Epilogue

I’ve been wrestling with this concept for the last few weeks. How should I conclude this epic journal? What can I say after such an experience that will match or even come close to buzzing over Victoria Falls in a Microlite? The serenity of an African sunset, or sunrise? The vast splendour of the savannah, mountains and open sky? The sheer psychotic rage of the river Nile? And what of the freedom of the road or living each day for just that day? The generosity and kindness of strangers? The insight and knowledge gained of oneself?

Priceless treasures, all of them.

I will admit freely that, like our family, we couldn’t choose our travel companions. But, like family, you learn how to deal with their idiosyncrasies, or rather do your best to. In that light I can say it wasn’t an easy trip, but it was an experience. A modern day adventure. There are a great many things I would have done differently, looking back now. But then, I wouldn’t have come out the other end with all the lessons I learnt and still benefit from daily. I learnt a great deal about what it means to be African, about acceptance, about communication and about being genuine. I think for both Annelie and I, we were humbled by these interactions; sometimes fleeting moments by the roadside, others for hours at the border posts or camps. There is so much potential in Africa it’s astounding! And her people are kind, open and down to earth.

Zimbabwe strikes me still as the one country being blacklisted because of the actions of a small band of criminals. Her people are just getting on with it and I genuinely feel that if you have an opportunity to go there, do so. You will not be disappointed. Uganda, for her raw and savage beauty. Winston Churchill wrote of Uganda as “The pearl of Africa”. I agree.

Since we’ve been back in so called “civilisation” we’ve had a difficult time relating to... well... anything. Or anyone. Strange as it may seem, we didn’t feel like we belonged in South Africa or London. Trying to catch up with old friends and family was hard, sometimes overwhelming. Nothing personal, of course. Just, we were still on the road, in essence. It took more than a few tears and encouragement between Annelie and I to get back into the flow of things and start rebuilding our lives here in the UK. You need to know where you are if you you want to know where you’re going? Quite like Alice in Wonderland, when asked by the Caterpillar “who are you?” we could only wring our hands and reply “I don’t hardly know”.

And this is where I have to mention, following on the “How should I conclude this epic journal?” train of thought, that had I posted this a few weeks ago it would have been a gloomy affair indeed! Heh heh heh, yeah, life was confusing, frustrating and downright upside down. We count ourselves fortunate that we’ve had such unprecedented support from our biological and chosen families! Whole apartments for our exclusive use, a living room sofa bed here, express delivery of all our kit we had in storage... it was just heart warming and extremely humbling. We managed to find a fantastic apartment, not far from where we lived previously and for the last two weeks we have been on a mission to make it our home.

Annelie has picked up the majority of her client base and there are very exciting prospects on the horizon. I’ve been digging into the photography (with Annelie’s help) and secured a few quick turnaround jobs to keep the debt collectors at bay. And just last week I secured a 6 month contract for a very well established blue-chip corporation, starting on Monday. Now all we need is furniture! :)

I’ve “burrowed” Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist” from a friend’s bookshelf the other day. It’s a fantastic parable about a boy who dreams of travelling the world, seeing extraordinary things and finding his treasure. It’s a short novel I’ve known about it for years but never before picked up. I still haven’t finished reading it yet... I’m kind of savouring it. It has been a fantastic reminder, a beacon of sorts for what it means to believe in yourself, follow your heart, be mindful of the signs, to enjoy life and be in the moment. It is so easy to get stuck in the little things, to blame others for your perceived misfortune and to begrudgingly accept your fate. So many times in the last month I’ve caught myself in the act and what could have been a deal breaker was turned into an opportunity. Even more amusing: it was easy! It’s just a simple matter of perspective.

So what’s my point?

Well, it is this: sometimes you need to do some shit that scares you. Climb out of your shell and leave you’re cushy comfort zone behind. It reaffirms who you are and puts your values and beliefs to the test. Puts your identity in the blender a bit. We feel, perhaps, that we let ourselves down a few times on this trip. But then again, did we? Win or lose we have the luxury of hindsight to see both sides of the situation and learn valuable things about ourselves. What’s more, we can soundboard moments off each other, since we have fully two perspectives of one situation. Powerful stuff.

I was quite adolescent when I thought that Africa would be all about the photography for me. I’d have yet another excuse to hide behind my lens and not interact with the world. Silly rabbit. Instead it turned out to be a perception changing, life enhancing masterpiece. A delicious slice of time captured in glorious detail in this journal! And now, after its completion, I intend to create a physical manifestation of it, in the form of a coffee table book, sprinkled liberally with photos and hand written observations. This is my gift to future Gerhard and Annelie, who may have the benefit of picking it up on a lazy Sunday afternoon and be instantly transported back in time.

So, to you, future Gerhard and Annelie: remember this. Remember your time under the stars and the epic adventure you had together. The smells, the sun, the rivers and valleys. The highs, the lows, the spirit of the road. The journey, which bolstered the powerful foundation you have built your relationship and now married life on.

Be true. Love. Enjoy. Remember this.

Makhtub.

[G & A], out

this is the end, beautiful friend, the end.

26 August, Day 74: "Home" stretch

At the breakfast table we implore the waitress to NOT bring us any bacon or eggs! I know, I know, crazy right? But my word, we’ve both tired of that combination over the last week. So we’re quite easy this morning, sticking to the muesli and yo-gurt, fruit salads and coffee.

Checkout all done, back in the Bullet for today, our final drive of our tour. Quite sad, hey? I wasn’t so much sad as elated, I kinda get like that near the end of a long holiday.

As mentioned before, Matjiesfontein is only a few kilometres down the road and we make the left turn off the highway to the inconspicuous looking town.

Our first stop is at the train station, which has now been converted into a museum. A great many artefacts are stored in the glass cabinets and shelves, dating from the late 19^th century. One of the coolest exhibitions was in the preserved apothecary (that’s a chemist, kids...) where they had hundreds of really old, ooooold cameras! There was a weird clash of worlds, on my side I was standing with (to my mind) a state of the art professional, digital camera with all the trimmings versus a universe stuck in time; a hundred years worth of history and evolution to get to the point of what I was holding in my clammy paw.

Cool.

The town itself is really tiny, consisting of a short street lined with a handful of detached buildings, with the station/museum on the other side. Our next stop is to explore the set of detached buildings, and we find a coffee house, bar, old post office, the old Standard Bank of South Africa offices and the Lord Milner hotel. All of these buildings have been renovated and restored from about the 1970’s, some like the hotel maintaining their function whereas others like the coffee house used to be a general goods store. That’s actually Matjiesfontein’s original claim to fame: it was a refuelling and restocking outpost. Back in the days of the Kimberly diamond- and later gold rush in the 1800’s, the town was perfectly situated to offer both quality stocks and accommodation, both in high demand. This is technically the middle of nowhere, by most definitions. The Karoo, like I have noted many times before is wide open, mostly featureless and almost barren where it not for the few pieces of flora here and there. And the travel to these parts, you where rocking it with an ox wagon, or on foot.

Jimmy Logan was the man responsible for Matjiesfontein’s fortunes in the early days, having spotted the potential of the town. He started off as a porter in the railway at the age 15 and quickly rose to District Superintendent of the stretch of rail line between the Hex Rover and Prince Albert Road by his 21^st birthday. While still in railway employ, he was granted a concession at Touws River station, becoming lessee of the railway-owned Frere Hotel there in the same year. Within 12 months he had resigned from the service to devote time to his own affairs.

Another bonus of the Karoo is the dry, clear air, a big deal back in the days when all sorts of chest ailments where almost always fatal. So in 1883 he decided to move permanently to Matjiesfontein with his family, gaining another refreshment room concession there in 1884. Between the outbreak of the Boer war he developed the village into a delightful Victorian health and holiday resort, catering to Premiers, Governors and leading political figures of the day. Even Cecil John Rhodes was a regular patron (he suffered from ill health all his life).

The village was also used as a staging area during the Boer War, with 10 000 troops and 20 000 horses stationed on the outskirts and the hotel serving as a hospital for British officers; it’s central turret becoming a armed look-out post.

James Douglas Logan died in 1920, at 65 years of age. By the second World War, the town fell into obscurity and decay, but never lost its potential. The whole of it was bought by David Rawdon in 1968 and in 1970 the hotel was reopened as The Lord Milner. The rest of the village too has been restored and renovated into what we saw today, a living monument to a slice of history. Even in the bar, there was a guy dressed in period garb playing a few diddies on the piano (surprising to see, 11:00 in the morning. More surprising was that he wasn’t alone and the bar was full of patrons!).

So that’s it! A very educational little detour.

One last pit stop at the coffee shop for a cappuccino and a muffin before we head out again. We’ve been treated to some amazing sites during our two and a half month sojourn in all the countries but I can truly say that the Hex River valley can give every single one of those a run for their money. It’s almost spring now, so the vineyards are all bare but by no stretch of the imagination can I imagine what this must look like in the full bloom of summer. Deep valleys and rivers cut through imposing peaks, green and blue, littered with wine farms. It was utterly breathtaking. The snow capped mountains of the Cedarburg came into view next. I tried again to take a few decent pictures of it all but I’m not sure I can do it any justice.

So needless to say, it was a most pleasant drive. Not long before we arrive in Worcester and then on into the Du Toits Kloof pass, an equally stunning drive! I’ve mentioned it before but the same applies here: it’s quite weird to experience vertigo looking UP. But here it was again. Before long we dive into the tunnel and exit the other end into quite overcast and damp weather. Welcome home, it said.

The excitement is quite palpable by this stage as the signs go by: Cape Town – 75 ; Cape Town – 50 ; Cape Town – 40....

And so it was, at 13:51 that we finally rolled into Jacqueline Street, Annelie’s home, to greet her parents. I think they were quite pleased to see us :)

We spent the rest of the day chatting about this and that, after we unpacked the Bullet entirely (I am still amazed how much stuff we ferried along with us!) and eating way too much! In the evening we visited my parents for a quick howdy do, again eating and drinking way too much.

Our plans are pretty fluid for the next week or two. Lots of people to meet and greet and quite a few administration tasks to perform. I think mostly we’d like to spend some time with the family for a change, we always give them the short end of the stick when we are down this way.

And of course, I will need to sit down and get to all the pics I took, upload a few. And really think about how I’m going to end this piece! But all in good time :)

Highlights: Well, we’re home! And in one piece.

[G & A], out

we move like shadows

25 August, Day 73: one thousand twenty three

We actually slept in a tad today, not really getting our 05:00 start we wanted. I kid of course, we were never going to get up at 05:00!! Andries sorts us some delicious breakfast of fried eggs, toast and left over steak chunks. Mmmmm, steeeeeaaak. It’s the new bacon.

Quick shower, pack up and ready to go by 10:30 and we say our goodbyes and good luck’s. In no time flat we are back on the N1 and grinding away at the last bit of asphalt home, a grand total of 1023 KM’s to go!

We make pretty good progress before reaching our 1^st road works stop. “10 minutes wait”, says the man. Said man returns 10 minutes later to inform us that there has been an accident in the stretch ahead, so we can expect some minor delays. Much later, and after catching up with two Mythbusters episodes on my laptop, I make a call that we double back and try to get onto one of the dust roads running parallel with the N1.

Easy does it, best dirt road we’ve ever seen. :) It snakes through the koppies this way and that, mostly running next to the train tracks and national road off the right so we know we’re heading the right direction. We don’t have GPS, so it’s terribly old skool navigation. A few cars coming the other direction can at least verify where we will end up and we trade directions (since they want to go the other way). Not long before more people catch on to the alternative road and more cars fill the narrow bypass.

Finally, we rejoin the N1 and my goodness, it doesn’t look any better on this side either! Cars, trucks and trailers backed up for kilometres. We make a quick stop at a block in the road where people have climbed out of their cars and I relay the terrible news: you’re gonna be here a while. But I’m a bad news / good news kinda guy and offer them the “secret” route around the carnage. I later found out a truck and a 4x4 bakkie had a serious collision, hence the fire trucks and no doubt jaws-of-life operation that had to take place.

We push on, but it is now increasingly likely that we will not be making it all the way home today. This sentiment is somewhat lightened when we seem to again be making really good time and dashed equally as we get stuck behind yet another few sets of successive road blocks. We’re lucky that they at least stick to the plus-minus 10 minute wait time.

By the late afternoon we roll into Three Sisters, aptly named for the three tall (for this area) free standing mountains. It gets progressively dark by the time we get close to Laingsburg and even though we are in striking distance to Cape Town we make decide that it would be so stupid to rush home now. By our ETA we would only arrive by something dumb like 11 o’clock, and what’s the point in that??

Laingsburg isn’t the largest town I’ve ever seen, but that have 3 decent looking inns / hotels and we’re ready to have a serious sit down dinner for a change, having only had Provita bisquits and cheese (the same cheese we bought way way back in Kenya! Still... delicious!).

The Laings Inn happens to have one double bedroom available and we snatch it up, unpack our sleep over gear and head out to one of 3 dining options at the Cafe Hart Hotel. The other options where Steers and the Wimpy at the petrol station as you drive into town. Heh heh, small town indeed.

The Cafe Hart seems to have quite a rich family history and is quite cosy on this cold evening. The bar is quite buzzing when we arrive. An extensive menu covers all the basic food groups, of meat, meat, fish, and meat. We order the ribs with chips and wash it down with whatever the house red was.

Even before dinner is done I could feel a very real weariness creeping into me and I mention that I am really glad we didn’t push through like lunatics.

Tomorrow we will take our time and pay a visit to Matjiesfontein, only 15 kilometres down the road.

Back at the inn, we settle into the big double bed, have a quick night cap and doze off.

Highlights: Feeling very homesick man, very pleased we’re almost home.

[G & A], out

ya’ll know the lyrics, com’on and sing with me!

24 August, Day 72: a large ditch

I had to employ some help from the inn manager to jump start the Bullet again, using his very tiny VW Polo 1.3 litre toy. We make a quick stop at Anneke’s but they’re still snoozing. On to the battery store then. R860 later I’m in business with a sparkling new Willard battery, after waiting 20 minutes for the owner of the Sabat battery store to go fetch me a real battery. I love how business is so slow a shop will even sell you a competitors brand! :)

Off to the video store with internet access and I FINALLY get a chance to upload all the journal entries I’ve been hoarding on my laptop! Excellent.

Back to Anneke’s to say goodbye to her and the little one. To kill some time before we head out to Bloemfontein we decided to take in the tourist attractions, namely the big hole.

For those of you who don’t know, this is where the South African diamond mining industry got its start back in the 19^th century. The area played host to a few very influential characters such as Cecil John Rhodes and Barney Bernato, the forefathers of what would eventually become consolidated into De Beers, the world’s biggest diamond company. The “big hole” is quite literally a massive hole in the ground where the blue kimberlite vein was discovered and mined. During the 1^st world war mining was ceased since there was no demand, the same happened again during the second world war. Eventually the entire hole flooded with water and became a very large tourist attraction instead. Kimberly is also where the De Beers head office is, where ALL diamonds mined in the country (and around the world, If I’m not mistaken) are brought to be redistributed, to ensure that the sources are credible and that no conflict diamonds are dealt in.

Personally, I’m not a diamond fan at all. I think it’s the greatest marketing exercise in history. But that’s an entirely different discussion...

So we went on the tour and it was quite cool to see how they lived in those times. There is a big time line in the museum that shows the flow of history of both the world and the region. There is a “underground experience” (no, not a rave club) where you get to go into a recreated mine shaft and see what it was like. Next, we were allowed into a guarded vault with loads of different types of diamonds and replicas of the first diamond discovery here, called Eureka on the banks of the Orange river and the largest uncut diamond ever discovered.

Outside, they’ve restored the surrounding town and preserved it the way it looked back in the 19^th and start of the 20^th centuries. Spooky. No really, it’s exactly like a ghost town. Shops selling shoes or clothes, barbers, bars, wagon dealerships, auctioneers etc etc. Barney Bernato’s boxing academy (he was quite a sportsman and actor too), dental surgery, doctors office, banks, reading rooms, billiard rooms and so on can also be explored. The only “house” that you can enter is that of where all De Beers chairmen lived over the years. Pretty cool, a snapshot of time.

All done by 15:00 and we eventually find our way to the N8 that would take us to Bloem. We’re visiting a friend whose studying architecture there. I figured since we’re practically in the neighbourhood wit would be a shame not to.

It still amazes me how in this part of the world, the nothing stretches for miles and miles, as far as the eye can see and the only thing breaking the great open plains are a few koppies (mountains, little ones) dotted here and there. By about 16:20 we make contact with Andries and he guides us to a Shell garage where we can meet up, which is great since we need to refuel again (the Bullet is THIRSTY). Soon after we’re done filling up he arrives and we say a few hearty hellos. He takes us up to the house he is sharing with another fellow student and friend. The house is freakin huge!! Like, impossibly huge, nestled in a very upper class neighbourhood. We get settled into one of the rooms, grab a few beers and head up to Naval hill, a lookout point where you can check out the whole town.

On the hill we chat a bit about our adventures and he fills us in on his comings and goings. Next we’re treated to a quick tour of the town, the university he studies at, the Chief Justice of the Courts of South Africa’s MANSION (very well guarded, ring fenced and what not) and the local hovels and hangouts, including what is described as “the very,very-bitter-end-bar”, i.e. they’ll still serve you alcohol 07:00 in the morning. Good times.

One the way back to the house we stop at “the Braai shop”. Droooool! What a great concept, it’s a one stop shop for every damn thing you can imagine for a good braai: excellent steaks and meats, sauces, implements, fuel for the fire, biltong... you name it. The guy behind the counter even suggested that for a price he’ll even sell us beer! Awesome! I recommended he franchise the idea immediately, London needs a “Braai shop”.

Good meat in hand, we head back and stoke up a good ol’ wood fire. More mates and fellow budding architects arrive to join in and they’re really cool dudes (and one dudette). We chat about all sorts of stuff, drink too much brannewyn and coke and eat like kings. I learned a few new tricks from Mattie (who happen to have had quite a few Famous Butcher Grills!) on the art of braaing a killer steak and Annelie reckoned it’s the best she’s ever had.

Anecdote: Damn I’m good.

We have to call it a night just before 00:00, since we kind of intend on nailing the last 1023 km’s to Cape Town tomorrow. Of course we will play it by ear, maybe stop halfway or whatever. But if I can help it, I’d really like to reach that checkpoint.

Highlights: Really cool catching up with Andries again! Good guy...

Good steak, enough to kill a donkey

[G & A], out

gimme the mic while i take it away

Sorry for the spam

It’s a fact of life that internet access is quite hard to track down here in Africa. Even worse is a situation where you DO have a smidgen of internet access but cannot get anything to work on it, or it keeps timing out and so forth.

 

Point is, It would have been soooo cool to be able to post things on the fly! Good news is that we are almost home in Cape Town where I will be able to finally upload more pictures (you HAVE to see the little elephants!) and finish up the journal.

 

Until then...

 

[G], out

 

23 August, Day 71: to Kimberley

In the morning we finished up on breakfast, retrieved the washing from the line and packed up the Bullet. It was dead again, very dead. While looking at the caked dirt that’s accumulated on the top of the battery something occurred to me, just then: when was the last time we checked the battery water? After cleaning off the dirt, using a R2 coin, I started to unscrew the wells one by one. Sure enough, four of the 6 wells where bone dry.

...

Well I’ll be. This is basic stuff man, very basic. I cannot believe we ALL missed it. Too late now, this battery is probably toast by now. I grab some distilled water and will the cells up again just for in case, you never know your luck in the big city. After another jump start we’re back in business. We say our thanks and goodbye, load up the food and baked pie we need to take along for Annelie’s cousin and head out to Kimberley. It’s a short drive so we reach Kimberley, about an hour and a bit. The directions to her cousin’s house is as straightforward and we meet up with them there. I’m introduced to Anneke and her boyfriend Brendon, proud parents of a very tiny and ridiculously cute baby girl, Danika. Oohs and aahs abound (mostly from Annelie).

While Annelie and Anneke catch up, Brendon and I chat about this and that. There is an inn quite close by so after another running start we finally manage to push all 3 tons worth of 4x4 down the road fast enough to get it going (this is getting old. Fast). Check in at the Bella Vista Inn (I leave the car running) and get back to the cousins place. The rest of the day we generally spent outside in the sun, occasionally if I was inside I’d be chased outside for “the feeding” of Danika.

In the evening we head out to grab some take-aways (Steers Burgers... delicious!) and call it a night.

Tomorrow I’m going to get this car battery sorted out!

Highlights: uh... BACON!

[G & A], out

right about now, the phunk soul brotha

22 August, Day 70: me time

Didn’t do much today, just as planned. I had quite a few interesting discussions in between my admin. Annelie and her aunt spent the day chatting. I caught up on a few episodes of American Dad I had on my travel hard drive. Watched some Tri Nations rugby, Australia vs. NZ, NZ won (good times. Take THAT Australia!).

In the evening we took our hosts out for dinner at the Red Sands lodge. I risk ordering the special: ox tail stew. Rubbish, absolutely inedible. It was tougher and rubbery and nowhere near what grandma used to make. The rice was good though, whatever, and the other’s had a good meal so that’s ok.

Anecdote: I place quite a high standard on ox tail stew.

Back home after Dom Pedro’s and coffee’s and into bed (dang it’s cold in these parts at night)

Highlights: Watching some Tri Nations rugby

Getting my proverbial house back in order, somewhat

[G & A], out

Really don’t mind to practice cus you’re my li’l lady

21 August, Day 69: Kuruman

Another blockbuster break-fest (no moose though, to my utter disappointment). Before we check out we head back to the Valley of Waves because Annelie wants to go on the bungee jump trampoline thingy. Yeah, you have to be “this” tall to go on this ride, at least 7 years old (which she just barely qualifies) and weigh no more that 54 kg’s (which she also just barely qualifies)

Anecdote: I kid, of course. She’s way older than 7

Anecdote: and way lighter than 54 k’s

Anecdote: I love you baby, please don’t hurt me.

The jumping thing is a big hit: they tie you to a harness, suspended from two sides by bungee cords. Next they lift you about 3 meters into the air then a dude on the trampoline underneath you jumps up, grabs hold and pulls you down before letting go. And my homeboy Newton got it right about every action having an equal and opposite reaction, perfectly demonstrated as Annelie goes soaring! Giggles and screams in equal measure. She really is just a kid sometimes, but I love that about her.

This goes on for about 15 minutes, she manages to pull a few sweet back flips before being lowered back down and letting the other kids waiting in line a turn. All done, we head back to the Cabanas to finalise our bill. Back at the Bullet and yea. Battery dead. I give it a slight nudge out of the parking bay and Annelie guides it down the hill before effortlessly popping the clutch and starting it. All good to go, we set our biological GPS’s for Kuruman, about 350 km’s to Annelie’s aunt. First we’re making a stop in Koster to see her cousin, who will give us better directions. We only manage to reach Koster at 13:00 so it has to be a quick reunion. She guides us to the road we need to take from there and we say goodbye. Quick pitstop in Biesiesvlei for refuel and biobreak.

The rest of the day we make pretty good progress as we go, but there are road works on this route so quite a few long wait times at road blocks, to allow other traffic through. Heh heh, funny town names in these parts: Witpan, Vlakpan, Greysloot, Beeskraal, Paardekraal, Jan se Baard, fok, you name it. The scenery is very pleasing, this is wide open farm country, although it doesn’t look like a whole lot is going on. By about 18:00 or so we enter Kuruman and follow the directions to her aunt’s house.

We’ll be staying here for 2 nights since Annelie wants to have a good chat about things and catch up. Me, well, I have lots of admin to do again, like updating the journal, writing some DVD’s and the like.

Highlights: Breakfast again!

Taking pictures of a very airborne Annelie

Care should be taken to avoid tipping while seated

20 August, Day 68: Just the 2 of us

I’ve never seen so much food in my life! Breakfast is an orgy of everything you could ever desire to eat. Ok fine, they didn’t have baby seal (which is both tender and tasty) and dolphin was off the menu today, but everything else was here. From every conceivable cereal, to flapjacks, cold meats, fruits, cheeses, breads breads breads, French toast, eggs made a zillion ways, juices, pastries... I was in heaven.

We started slow like and worked our way up, put some real effort into it, you know? By the time the shooting stopped I must have packed on 3 Kg’s. Back at the room Mattie finished packing while we headed to the car. Heh, yeah. Battery dead. While Mattie brings his luggage I grab the spare keys for the Ford from the cubby and park it next to the Bullet, get the jumper cables out at proceed to refresh Annelie on the finer points of jump starting a car. That done, we decide to park the car on a hill so that we can at least running start the thing tomorrow, when Mattie isn’t around anymore. Else, whatever, we can always get a jump from anyone.

Mattie drops us off at the entertainment centre and we say our goodbyes and farewells! Then, it was just the two of us, free to do as we please! So we hit the games arcade pretty hard, playing EVERY video game in there. Turns out Annelie really, really likes Dance Dance revolution, too bad the machine was busted so it wouldn’t register the “back” steps on player 1 and the “front” step on player 2. But we laughed our asses off anyway. Then she realised that you get tickets for some of these games, and that you can trade these in for prizes. Groan... the prizes are all rubbish but try explaining that to a 7 year old (yes, I mean Annelie). More games and 60 tickets later she got the little plastic rubix cube key holder she simply had to have.

Next, we headed to the valley of waves. Good thing we took the trouble to do the bridge “thing” yesterday, because it’s down for maintenance. The Valley of Waves has this whole theme cantered around the Lost City, so everything looks like an Indiana Jones film set, Temple of Doom / Mayan / Tomb raider-esq. Quite well done, in my humble opinion. The water park features a big wave pool and artificial tropical beach, 5 water slides, a “lazy river” chill... thing... and shops, rentals and the like. On the Cabanas side, where we live, they have a dam where you can do waterskiing, jet-skis, parachute sailing (or whatever the heck it’s called).

Anyway, we decide to hit the big slide first (I forget the name, but they each have one like Tarantula, Viper, Mamba and so on). I wait at the bottom to snap pictures as she comes crashing down the 10 meter sheer drop, eventually coming to a standstill as the water breaks her momentum. Water gets in everywhere.... trust me on that one. I follow suit, because I’d have to show solidarity. Fak me, the water is freezing! It’s sunny out, but not warm by any means. We decide to stow the camera and gear in the rental lockers and hit the inner tube slides next. At the bottom you pick up a blue inflatable tube, carry it up the steps to the top and them slide down either an open or a totally enclosed water slide. I get SUPER motion sick on the closed one, since it turns me around and around and around... bleh. We do the other one as well, before we move on the last 2, which are just straight water slides.

The Mamba (I remember this one) is the enclosed one, and it takes 10 seconds to drop 15 meters! By the time I reach the bottom of this one, I am done for the day, vision swimming. This used to be a whole lot easier when we were kids!

Annelie goes down the last slide, so now at least she’s been on everything and we can go reheat in the sun on the beach. It takes me a while to get back to normal, a Savannah goes down well and helps things on a bit.

By the afternoon we mosey on up to the entertainment centre again and kill off the last few tokens I had left on a racing game or three. I try to convince my darling wife that I HAVE to see Transformers: Rise of the Decepticons but I fail. She promises me that should we have a chance in any of the other towns we’ll be passing through on the way home, we can see it together.

Dinner is at Santorini again, because at least we know what we’re in for. I have some delicious ribs, and Annelie had a calamari salad. Back to the hotel again and back to bed.

Today was a really good day for us and we got to spend some real quality time together. It actually felt like a solid holiday. Looking very much forward to breakfast again tomorrow. Ima gonna order a moose burger!

Highlights: Quality time, baby, quality time

Breakfast man, breakfast!

*drum roll, cymbal, cymbal, cymbal, hi-hat-hi-hat-hi-hat*

19 August, Day 67: Sun City --- CHECK LINK!!!

Wowie, spent the whole morning in the Hydro centre! About 2 hours in the indoor / outdoor pool, water temperatures ranging from 25 degrees up to 40, big fountain in the middle. Pruned up real good! After we had enough of that we signed up for a full body massage with an “Aroma therapy booster” (clearly this IS an American run resort...). By 11 am we were practically floating on air. Annelie is quite fine this morning, by the way. She does still get the odd hot flash but we don’t really know what was wrong with her. Maybe she ate something funky. I’m also quite aware that sometimes with all the driving and concentration, it can get quite hard on you if you don’t eat enough or don’t drink enough water. I suspect maybe a piece of that hake fillet we had at the Inn on Great Zim may have been a bit off or something. I had a similar thing way back in Arusha, when the others were on the Serengeti tour. Heh, but it’s such a cliché: Oh shit, you feel bad, must be malaria! Meh.

We spend a bit of time retracing our steps after we checkout of the chalet, because Mattie left one of the flaps of his canopy open and his sleeping bag rolled out.... somewhere. Unfortunately it’s nowhere to be seen, so we leave our contact details at reception in the unlikely event someone turns it in. Mattie is gutted, not because he needs it anymore but it has quite a bit of sentimental value, a sentiment I can totally relate to. Weird huh? Tours the whole damn continent with it only to lose it now! I try to cheer him up over the CB as we head out to Sun City.

We only need to go 150 km’s since we’re taking a short cut over some less than stellar roads. Slightly after noon we arrive at the Cabanas, one of the 3 hotels at the resort, and book in. The resort is nestled in the valley between the Pilantsburg and features more activities and attractions than I can shake a stick at. Check it out.

Mattie and I have been here a few times before, my last visit was in 2001 for a Microsoft Technet conference. Aaaah, good times! This is Annelie’s first time so we give her the guided tour of the main hotel, casinos, entertainment areas and the Valley of Waves (big water park). Sun City used to be quite a big deal back in the day, because it was the only spot in South Africa where you could come to gamble. A lot has changed since, they built the Palace of the Lost city and the Valley of Waves for one. For me and Mattie it was interesting to see that it’s still quite a busy place, most of the hotels are fully booked and loads of conferences happening. The only thing I’d comment on is that a few cracks are showing up here and there, little things, little things. Annelie didn’t care much though, it was all new to her! We even had to wait on the connecting bridge to the valley, because we mentioned to her that the whole thing vibrates and shudders and smoke comes out everywhere on the on the hour, like a clock. So we stood on the bridge for a whole 30 minutes... She enjoyed it, so I guess that’s ok :) She regresses to a 7 year old around this kind of stuff. That, and various fluffy or cute (sometime deadly) animals. Examples include: puppies, kittens, babies, LARGE dogs, hippos, rhinos, elephants, etc etc etc.

Turns out you actually have to pay to see the Palace of the Lost City, Sun City’s premier hotel. Huh, that sucks. Annelie convinces the one gaurd that she really needs the toilet and they let her in. Then the other guard tries to solicit a bribe for us to get in too! Impossible for him to know that I am now a seasoned pro and this sort of thing, but instead of getting some money out of me he only succeeds in evoking my wrath. I only wanted Annelie to see it, and a good time later she returns all smiles. I ask her if she at least got to see the rest of it and she was like “jup, no problem, saw the whole lobby, dining room, everything!”. That’s my girl.

The weather is quite nippy, only about 17 degrees and a slight breeze, but hopefully we’ll be able to get good weather tomorrow. I’d like to at least get Annelie on the monster water slides they have here! But you can check out Sun City and what they have to offer here. Personally, I think the hotels are a little on the expensive side. If you have kids though, I reckon they’d totally dig it here.

In the evening we had a wonderful meal at Santorini, a restaurant at the Cascades hotel. This is our last evening with Mattie before he heads off tomorrow, so we made it count with lots of whiskey, wine and cocktails! It was also very cool just to spend time with him and him alone just because you get to know someone just a bit better that way. We had quite a few very interesting discussions about the tour and what’s next (Mozambique! Cairo! Madagascar! Ok, maybe only next year...).

It was very cold tonight! We must be acclimatised to the tropics by now, Not used to this type of cold anymore. We “walk” to our hotel anyways, through weird jungle paths with bridges and waterfalls, past the golf course bar and around the corner to our rooms.

Highlights: Well, it’s good to be here at Sun City. Lots of memories flooding back (the parts I remember between the hard drinking and parties of the “conference”). Also miss my 20twenty buddies something chronic

[G & A], out

going over to susan’s house, she’s gonna make it right

18 August, Day 66: Great house of stone

As planned, we’re up and going by 07:20 after a quick coffee and heading down the 10km to the ruins. At the gate we buy tickets ($15 each) and park the cars. It’s a very cold, crisp but sunny morning, no clouds in the sky. At the entrance there is a large map of the area which I snap a pic of for reference. Our first visit is to what they call the “Great Enclosure”, which we locate at the top of a hill.

I’m going to shamelessly plagiarise Encarta on this one, just because they’ve put it so succulently, and I couldn’t take any pictures in the museum we visited later (but it was REALLY interesting!):

In the 19th century the ruins of Great Zimbabwe were found and studied by European colonists, who generally refused to believe that black Africans could have built such impressive stone structures. European archaeologists proposed highly improbable theories that an ancient Mediterranean civilization, such as the Egyptians, Phoenicians, Greeks, Hebrews, or Arabs, built Great Zimbabwe. These theories became widely accepted. Even after early and mid-20th-century archaeological research proved that Great Zimbabwe was indeed the work of Iron Age black Africans, the non-African origin of the ruins was taught in many schools in Rhodesia (as Zimbabwe was known in colonial times) until independence in 1980.

The stonework of Great Zimbabwe is remarkable for its precision. Most structures were built with granite blocks so carefully carved that no mortar was required to hold them together. The focal point of Great Zimbabwe is a high granite outcrop that rises steeply above the valley below. On the summit of this outcrop is a set of stone-walled enclosures known as the Hill Complex. Scholars believe one of the two large enclosures was a place of worship because it contains plastered altars and carved stone birds, which likely represent the spirits of former rulers. The other large enclosure was a residential area, probably either for the king or for the principal spirit medium, the leading official in the Shona religion.

The ruins of the city of Great Zimbabwe are on the hillside and in the valley beneath the Hill Complex. The city consisted of two parts: the residences of the general population and those of the elite. The general population lived in closely packed mud-and-thatch houses and little is known about the way they lived. A small number of elite people lived inside stone enclosures at the centre of the city. The sheltered residential areas were hidden by high stone walls. These living quarters testify to the high status and authority of the Great Zimbabwe ruling class.

The largest of the residential enclosures in the city is known as the Great Enclosure. The Great Enclosure has a complex set of architectural features, including outer walls as high as 10 m (32 ft) and as thick as 5 m (17 ft), and a tall, conical stone tower. Archaeologists have different interpretations of this part of the site. Some believe this was the residence of the king’s principal wife, while others argue that it was the king’s compound. In the Great Enclosure, archaeologists have discovered gold and copper ornaments, as well as fine soapstone bowls and carvings. In addition, they have found china, glass beads, and porcelain dating from 14th-century China, Persia, and Syria. The presence of such luxury items from so far away demonstrates Great Zimbabwe’s valuable connections with traders on the east coast of Africa.

The modern nation of Zimbabwe is named after Great Zimbabwe, and images of the soapstone birds found in the Hill Complex appear on the nation’s flag and currency. For today’s Zimbabweans, the ruins of Great Zimbabwe are a source not only of tourism income, but also of cultural pride.

Anecdote: as said above, the country got its name from the Great Zimbabwe ruins in 1980, changing from Rodesia to Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is derived from the Shona phrase dzimba dza mabwe, which means “houses of stone”. There are many such dwellings (Zimbabwe’s) scattered all over the country, but this location at Masvingo is the largest and was the tribe’s capital city, hence the “Great” distinction.

Great Zimbabwe had between 10,000 and 20,000 inhabitants shortly before its abrupt decline at the end of 15th century. Historians disagree on the cause of Great Zimbabwe’s fall. Many scholars believe that the city’s population grew so large that it used up the region’s agricultural resources, forcing inhabitants to move away. Another theory is that Great Zimbabwe lost its commercial importance because northern gold-mining regions began transporting gold to the coast by way of the Zambezi River. By the 16th century the city of Great Zimbabwe was almost completely deserted.

Pretty cool, huh?

Back to the inn, pack up and checkout. Heading to Beitbridge today, and our last border crossing of the trip (yay!).On the way we stop at a large road side market where various artists again succeed in blowing us away with their skill. I decide, fuckit, I wanna buy some stuff, if nothing else to support these folks. Mattie picks up a few bowls and a candle holder. A 20 KG solid stone rhino catches my eye and I simply have to have it! No bartering with these folks, if they say it’s $40, it’s $40, done deal! I hold the beast aloft and cry “rhino!!” which evokes cries of rhino from the lady I bought it from. Funny thing happened then: they broke into a little victory dance and celebration amongst themselves, other traders coming over to congratulate her on making the sale! I think this was the definitive moment that the Zimbabwe people finally captured my heart.

Some rearranging required to fit Shida (She-da, named after that big black rhino who’s ears I scratched in Kenya) into the Bullet, but we manage it.

One or two pit stops on our way, Annelie wasn’t feeling too well again, phasing between nausea and hot flashes to shivers and cold sweats. Eish.

Driving quite hard we manage to reach the border post by 14:ish. We get the same old run around, a little self inflicted because we forgot to pay the toll fees and get some forms stamped. But we manage it with our usually flair, didn’t have to bribe anyone this time so that's always a plus. And so, by 15:10, it’s bye bye Zimbabwe!

Over to the South African border, across the Beitbridge over the Limpopo. Annelie feeling just a tad bit worse, so we make a naissance of ourselves in jump the line, play the “I’m dumb” card and get our passports stamps and customs cleared in no time flat.

Hello, sweet Sunny South Africa!

Stop off at the Caltex for a refuel and checkups. Our next destination is still quite far, Bela Bela, about 300 Km’s to go. We deal with the chaos of driving through busy traffic and towns the best we can. Both Mattie and I confess that we’re so not used to these driving conditions anymore, i.e. having to obey traffic laws! It’s much harder than you think, if you’ve driven in the lawless bubble of Africa for over 2 months. Mattie does get pulled over for speeding and manages to get away with a warning. Suave charmer :)

Break our rule again about driving in the dark but that’s ok, at least the roads are good, albeit unpainted in some areas. Lots of toll gates too. We reach Bela Bela just after 18:00 and drive around town a bit looking for a spot to lodge. Heh, I felt just like a farm yokel coming to the big city for the first time. All neon lights and restaurants and civilisation! The Forever resort looks the most promising and we check in. The whole town is built around a natural hot spring, by the way. So all these lodges and inn have some form of hydro or warm baths, Forever resorts have MASSIVE facilities, inside and outside pools, quad bikes, water sports, medical centres, you name it, it’s here.

Mattie goes ahead to the chalet while I drive Annelie to St Vincent’s Hospital a few km’s down the road. She has a chat to the nurse there about the possibility of having a test done for malaria. They reckon they can only do it if she’s running a fever, lest they get a false negative. So we agree to monitor the situation and come back should her condition worsen.

Back at the resort, we meet up with Mattie at the onsite Spur grill and restaurant (Spur is a freakin institution in South Africa! Been eating Spur burgers since I was 6 years old.) and I order the biggest damn Hunger Buster Double patty flame grilled monster I can buy! Delicious.

We have a quick look around before heading back to the chalet, which is very spacious and beautifully furnished. Annelie still feels rubbish but not running a fever yet. We’ll monitor her and hope for the best. Tomorrow we’d like to go take a prolonged dip in the hydro pools and maybe even get a massage.

Highlights: Nothing beats being back home

Scoffing down a Spur burger!

Someone to covet, safe from the rain

17 August, Day 65: Mythbusters

First things first: Happy Birthday Mattie! True, it’s the big guy’s birthday today, and we start the congratulations early, 05:10, since we are all up and having coffee already. I’m genuinely surprised he made it to his birthday, considering all his been through! :)

Anyways, it’s dark out still and the stars are just about fading. Last rites, as we finish our quick breakfast. Pack up all the loose items into the Bullet, jump start the Bullet first since the battery is D.O.A. Say our goodbyes to Jenny and thank her heartily for her hospitality. Say goodbye to Fanie and Hanneliese and wish them the very best of luck.

The Bullet, Ford and Toyota blaze off into the sunrise, over green mountain passes and through valleys. We sneak a last peak at the very large Lake Kariba just as the sun rises. Not long before we reach a main road and start making our way south-east. On the way we stop at a little market where Mattie buys the most beautiful little John Deere tractor toy, with a trailer and everything! So well made; it’s for his neighbours son.

Around this time we say goodbye to Dirk and Marieke and wish them well. We head on to Harare and arrive in the city proper at around 09:30, passing a few other towns along the way.

And we are genuinely surprised: the city is beautiful! Wide, clean streets, lots of business being done, people coming and going, traffic organised, a police man or woman on EVERY corner (really), tall breathtaking buildings towering into the sky line.

This is the part where we’re a bit confused. We heard all sorts of horror stories about this place, about how your tires get slashed at traffic lights and how armed gangs roam the streets, just crazy-madness and we should miss the city completely. I can confess that it’s NOTHING like that, AT ALL! The people standing at the bus stops, or waiting to cross the road hardly look like they’re fearing for their lives or looking out for an attack at any given moment.

It’s very sad that this place has such a bad rap. I will say that sure, Mugabe and his cronies are terribly out of order, but it’s not a reflection at all of its people. My experience of Zimbabwe thus far is that it’s people are extremely friendly, saying hi to you everywhere you go (as in, just saying “hello” for the hell of it, and not because they want something from you), the cities clean and safe and the infrastructure well established. And clearly, businesses where doing quite well, thank you. Goes to show, once again, if you believe the travel advisories or main stream new media, heck, even pay any attention to peoples negativity you’ll never do anything or go anywhere. I feel lucky that I could have the opportunity to see it with my own eyes and form my own opinion.

Onward to the airport, which we also find to be in terribly good shape and thriving. We’re way early for Marietta’s flight, partly because we weren’t sure what the state of the roads will be like (perfectly fine, NO POTHOLES) or what dangers we’ll have to face in the city (NONE!) or what state of chaos the airport will be in (ZERO, NADA, fokol!) so we have a quick brunch while we wait for boarding. Just before noon we say goodbye to Marietta and off she goes.

We head out to Masvingo, where the Great Zimbabwe ruins are. The road is very scenic, we drive through many farmlands. It’s only here that we are given the grim reminder of how destructive the Mugabe regimes policies where: large fertile swaths of land untended, derelict farm equipment and irrigation systems just standing in fields, butchered for parts and scrap metal. It’s an interesting feeling, if you didn’t know the country’s history you’d be inspired by the beautiful scene of golden fields of tall growing grass, roads lined with green trees and rolling hills. But of course, we know that we should be looking at endless greenery of various farmlands in full swing. Sad, but again, I feel very confident the good people of Zim will persevere and win out over the bullshit they’ve been subjected to.

It’s quite late when we arrive at the Inn on the Great Zimbabwe. We book into one of the chalets, which is very spacious and a steal at $25 per person. The chalet is self catering, bit lounge and kitchen area, 3 very big rooms, massive bathroom and the estate has well tended gardens, all perched on a hill top overlooking lake Mutirikwi. Annelie catches some shut eye while Mattie and I chat a bit about business, properties and all sorts. He’s given me quite a few interesting ideas for my next round of investments, which I will look into once I’m back in Cape Town.

Dinner is hake fillet and chips in the posh restaurant (no shorts, no slops). We agree to get going by 07:00 tomorrow to explore the Great Zimbabwe ruins, a world heritage site. The location was inhabited by the Shona tribe, who lived in the area around 1200 – 1500 A.D. Should be good.

Highlights: Shifting paradigms without a clutch

Seeing Zim for myself, thank you very much

[G & A], out

Echoes, silence, patience and grace

16 August, Day 64: land lubbers again

Today we’re heading back to Jenny’s place. We’ve reached the end of our journey on the lake but as a recourse for the delayed start we can at least spend more time on board. We manage to squeeze in one last swim and lunch before we reach. Bryan cooked up the last bit of food we have, some lamb cubes, into a very tasty stew which we enjoy with leftover rice.

Around 17:00 we dock back at Jenny’s harbour and begin the arduous task of unloading both ourselves and our gear. Quick photo-op with the crew and we say our thank you’s and goodbyes. Everything is trekked back up to the house and Annelie and I get to repacking slightly so that we can re-arrange the Bullet for the last leg of our journey. Tomorrow we will be heading into Harare, Zimbabwe’s capital city and then through to the airport to drop Marietta off. We’ll also be saying our final farewells to Fanie, Hannelise, Dirk and Marieke, since Fanie will be catching a lift to Lusaka to pick up the Colt, (which they managed to fix up at Moonia’s Uber-Workshoppe, for the low-low price of R16 000! But they couldn’t drive it to the rendezvous point, because, doh!, he forgot to hand them the Carnet for the vehicle. So when they’re stopped (and they WILL be stopped) the cops will think the car stolen. Not a biggie, just a little inconvenient since they have to travel back into Zambia.

Dirk and Marieke will be heading straight on to the border at Beitbridge, and then on to family and friends. So it will be Mattie, myself and Annelie travelling together to South Africa, then hit a day or two in Sun City (very nice resort in SA) after which Mattie too will be going his own way, leaving us the Bullet to drive home.

Tonight though we have a last chance to reminisce about good times, bad times and just plain awesome times!

I’d drink to that.

Highlights: Hard to say. Guess I’m looking forward to getting back home, but it’s a bittersweet since it means the tour is almost over.

[G & A], out

Papa was a gamblin’ man

15 August, Day 63: "futile", triple word score

More of the same, just chilled on the boat as we cast off to Changa Cherere, more drinking and reading, playing cards or sleeping. I got roped into playing scrabble with the wife and quit about an hour later when all I could manage was crappy-crap-crap words like “go”, “bee”, “noize” (not a word, can you believe it??), “damn” and so on. I mean, come on, I had no less than 3 sets of “i”, one “z”, one “x” (!!) and a “q”. She on the other hand rocked out with classics like “serendipity”, “golden” and “repugnant”. It was quite fitting that the last word she made right after I quit was “futile”. Futile indeed... and stupid... scrabble sucks.

Another sunset booze cruise, this time the sky was the same colour of the water creating the illusion that there simply wasn’t a horizon. It was quite unnerving. And gorgeous: purple hues running into subtle pinks all reflected off the perfectly still water.

At least dinner was worth the wait: Large, man sized T-bone steaks, pap, wors, gravy and relish, bread, salad and spanspek for desertz (see what I did there? Quizillion letter score, cuz I zaid zo!). Huuuuuuuuggh. So.Much. fooooood. Bryan got a standing ovation. Again.

To mix things up, Annelie and I are sleeping on the top deck under the stars. The wind is out a bit tonight but it’s not cold. We lay in bed a long while peering at the constellations through my binoculars. I wish I actually knew all the names of what I was looking at, but it’s all good none the less.

Highlights: Life, the Universe, Everything

[G & A], out

these are my words i’ve never said before

14 August, Day 62: gone fishin'

The bell tolls from the wee early hours. I drag my ass out of bed in time to witness the first sunrise in a while (I don’t make an effort to wake up for these anymore) and I have the camera handy to snap a few good’ns. Coffee and more rusks, breakfast of muesli and yo-gurt (I say YO-gurt, not “yoghurt”), bacon, delicious, sweet, tasty bacon, eggs and toast with a fruit salad. Yes, we really do eat that much for breakfast, and I usually clean up the scraps. Maintaining this magnificent physique takes that kind of dedication...

Bit of sport today: we’re going fishing! Haven’t touched a rod (oh get your mind out of the gutter!) in a good while. Did some light sea fishing a while back with Dan the Man with a Plan on the Isle of Wight. Or is it “white”, I can never remember! Anyhoo, I didn’t catch anything then either and it wasn’t a serious attempt.

Tender boats are loaded up with booze and snacks and a rather funny looking vegetable rack, full of soil. “What’s that?”, I ask. “Bait”, replies Jenny. Spot the rookie. Indeed, the container was filled with soil and earthworms. After a brief lesson on “How to attach a hook to the fishing line without garrotting yourself” we cast off in search of Breem. The other variety that you can catch for sport around these parts is Tigerfish, mean looking critter, big nasty teeth, not very edible though. Mattie, Jenny, Fanie, myself and Marco (...polo...) head off to a secluded, shallow bay while the other tender boat with the girls, Marieke, Marietta and Annelie head the other direction with Bryan. They don’t feel like staying out too long and opted for a quick game cruise instead.

We find a nice spot next to a petrified tree and tie up the boat. I allow the captain to show me how to hook an earthworm onto the hook... eeeew... and cast my line... badly. I blame the equipment, of course, but it turns out I don’t have to cast the bait too fair, I can just drop it over the side. I do so with elegance and grace. In the short time it takes me to actually get my line wet, Jenny has already caught a sizable Breem! Into the cargo hold it goes. Mattie is next and the captain follows with little ones and then bigger specimens, perfect for filleting. Fanie catches up with more, and Jenny reels in another big fella. Me, well, they sure seemed to like my bait! I couldn’t catch anything, and I was on my third worm already (which I put on the hook myself. Eeew.) I decided to try my luck on the other side of the boat and had a few more nibbles. The others in the meantime have caught a ton of fish, Mattie seems to be a natural catching no less than 5 Breems with ONE worm! Dang, he even caught one without any bait.

Lots of smack talking on the boat, of course, mostly from Mattie. I can’t even join in, since I’m so shit at this point. Just then I got one nibble, another insistent nibble and then a bite and I snap back on the rod and start reeling him in! Out of the water emerges the smallest Breem I’ve ever seen in my life (and I’ve seen at least 10 in my career, all in the space of the last few minutes). I smile for the picture anyway, what the hell :) Into the hold it goes. My next catch, a good time later is even smaller! I comment that it’s perfectly ok, since I enjoy sushi very much, and these are already down to sushi portions so no wastage.

And that was the sum total of my fishing experience. The End.

On the way back we spot the a stricken sister boat dead in the water. As it happened, the girls’ quick 20 minute cruise turned into a full hour of floating. The engine didn’t seem to want to start anymore. Kind of a big deal, not only because it’s inconvenient, but because hippos generally fear outboard motors. They fear silent, drifting boats far less...

The captain expertly zigs and zags between the dead trees towards them and we cast them a line (just like fishing! Only without worms). Next, we drag their sorry asses back to the African Queen, stopping in a bay where a croc has secured a drown Grants Gazelle and was dragging it out to water.

Back on the AQ and the boys get busy with the filleting. They also purchased a few more Breem’s from the local fishermen operating in the area, no doubt to make up for my ineptitude.

A delicious lunch of cold meats, bread, jams and a large salad is rudely interrupted by a swarm (of exactly 4) bees! Mattie excuses himself and retires to his cabin. More bees arrive as we piss off the scouting party and we basically have to grab food and retreat ourselves. The little bastards seem to enjoy the orange slices lining the salad quite a bit, so these are removed. We also cast off in an effort to get away from the nearby bee nest. Once the coast was clear, we could go back upstairs and get back to doing a whole lot of nothing.

Halfway to Gordon’s bay (no, not the Gordon’s bay in Cape Town) we stop again for a refreshing dip seemingly in the middle of nowhere before continuing on.

Chef extraordinaire Bryan dazzles us once again with a wonderful setting battered fish (yes, the Breem. Am I spelling “breem” right? Spell checker seems to hate it.) and chips, salad and “Bryans Patatoes”, which I think is potatoes, cooked and removed from their skins, mashed, creamed and cheesed and put back into the skin! Fruit salad and what was left of the custard for desert. We play more cards and drink coffee before tucking in for bed.

Highlights: I caught a fish! Two, in fact.

[G & A], out

You’re my favourite damn disease

13 August, Day 61: Lake Kariba

Didn’t sleep too well, kept tossing and turning. An interesting observation: it’s like trying to sleep in the middle of a giant iron bell! Every movement above deck is ampflied into our cabin and Max has been cleaning and sweeping since 05:00.

The cabin itself is quite nice, by the way. They’ve recently refurbished the whole boat so everything seems quite new. It’s not large by any count but comfortable enough for two people, albeit in separate beds. We even have mosquito nets.

Get up and grab some coffee and rusks, bring some downstairs to the wife (Man of the Year, 2009 nominee, winner of 2008/2007/2006...). Breakfast was pap and wors with relish and a fruit salad for starters. The rest of the day was pretty much what you’d expect. I spent some time in the Jacuzzi, played tennis and squash, caught a matinee on the entertain deck and caught some sun out by the pool.

I am of course kidding. We played cards, drank, ate, ate, drank, ate, read a bit, snoozed, tanned, drank, played more cards, that kinda thing. Later on we all loaded into the two tender boats and headed out of the bay for a mini-game cruise. Managed to see more hippos, a few antelope and elephants and a pride of lions. Yawn... (totally spoilt, I know!). Back on the boat and Captain Marco disembarks towards Elephant Point. He stops when we reach the “middle”, or rather “far from shore” so that we can take a dip. Very refreshing! We’re only allowed in the water in areas far away from shore and too deep for hippos and crocodiles. The water here is also some of the freshest in the world. Back on the boat, hit some more suntan action and snoozing while the captain continues to our destination. He guides us gently through great big forests of petrified trees, their white gnarly branches reaching out of the water like skeletons.

Anecdote: I have a morbid fascination with dead trees. Seriously, I’ve got at least 500 pictures of em, from all over. I think I may need counselling.

A few other house boats operate on the lake; I spotted a MASSIVE 50 Pax monster towing no less that 4 extremely large power boats. So when we arrive at Elephant point it’s a bit of a scramble to find a nice secluded bay, out of site of the others.

Around 17:40 we all load back onto the tender boats, witness yet another Epic African Sunset (Yaaaaaaaawn....), the sky on fire and reflecting off the lake. Oh how droll, wake me up when my martini is ready. Back on the boat and more drinking with cards and snacks.

Bryan the Magnificent cooked the best damn lamb joint and roast potatoes we’ve ever had! Topped with a most delicious gravy and punctuated with a fresh fruit salad desert and custard. I stopped eating only once ALL the food was gone, it was unreal. Even more so, if you consider the little kitchen it’s all prepared in. Bravo Sir, Bra-vo [slow clap].

Highlights: Has to be the lamb joint

Just chilling and chatting and getting some me-time

Gnarly dead trees!

[G & A], out.

Still a lil’ life left inside of, me

12 August, Day 60: The African Queen

Our 11:00 boarding time comes and goes. Boat is nowhere to be seen. The agent eventually arrives and explains that the current charter demanded to have breakfast on the boat so as such we’re running a bit late, but we later found out that the good captain accidently ran the boat onto a sandbank.

We kill more time until about 14:30 when we’re finally given the go ahead. Quite a huge load of cargo we have to trek down to the dock, so we load it all up into Jenny’s modified 4x4 Landcruiser and we walk down the steps. The African Queen is moored below and the crew was getting ready for boarding and loading. Gerald arrived just a bit earlier with two fuel drums packed with diesel on his bakkie, they manage to rig a hose to them and start to transfer the juice. Funny how the trip turned full circle: when we arrived in Zimbabwe (luggage-less!) at the beginning of the trip, we took a boat cruise on the Zambezi on the African Queen. This is of course another, different Queeny, but still. I dig that kind of stuff.

Jenny arrives with reinforcements to help to load all the gear and it was quite nerve wrecking to behold. They first carry the gear down from the parked Landcruiser, down a slippery slope and onto a pontoon platform which is then used as a to transfer onto a tender boat (one of two small powerboats that the African Queen drags behind her) and THEN over to the house boat! Before I can stop them they’ve already unpacked my camera gear and I retrieve it for safe keeping. Just in time for the bag carrying to big-boy lens to open wide and regurgitate it’s contents and drop it onto the floor....

Mmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmn

A little.... angry... with myself. Good thing it didn’t fall too far so no damage to the glass, but the lens caps still get scratched something horrid, which to my obsessive compulsive tendencies is enough to really upset me wholesale. Danmit, you know... My mood wasn’t helped by the big thorns breaking off into my hand and arm, courtesy of the nasty thorn tree next to the ladder we have to use to actually get onto this freakin tub!

The African Queen is a house boat floating on 3 pontoons, 2 storeys high, with 4 bedrooms (sleeping a maximum of 15 people), 2 bathrooms with a shower each and an upstairs bar, bridge and lounge area with dining room table. Once everyone has figured out which rooms they want we’re all set.

Well, not quite yet. Seems like the agency that organised this cruise forgot about fuel for the generator!! So we have to wait yet again as Gerald and Fanie goes off to hunt for petrol (yeah, it’s a petrol generator). This is Zimbabwe, by the way. Which translates to: “they had to drive to three different fuel stations to find one with petrol, that they were willing to sell”. Tick tock...

My timing was a bit off, because by my reckoning, at this rate, we were only going to cast off by 18:00. I’m pleased to have been wrong. The crew manages to get their shit together by 16:40 and we cast off to cheers and drinks.

Allow me to introduce them: The crew consists of 3 members, Captain Marco (... polo... can’t help myself), Cookie Bryan and Max the deck hand. The good Captain takes us into Antelope Bay and anchors for the night. Bryan cooks up a fantastic meal for us of chicken (ever seen Little Miss Sunshine? “Chicken Again?? Always with the fucking chicken!”) , rice and gravy. Bryan seems to have gotten his measurements wrong however, and we end up with what was about 3 kilos of prepared rice! Oh well, we can always save some for the rest of the trip. Tonight we actually wanted lamb joint (instead of the “fucking chicken!”, because that’s the only dang thing any African restaurant can actually cook...well...) but it couldn’t defrost in time because of the late start so it will move to tomorrow evenings menu. Unfortunately I couldn’t fully enjoy the “f-ing chicken!” and my own bodyweight in cooked rice since I developed a mild case of migraine. I reckon it’s because of the empty stomach, dehydration and diesel fumes, with a dash of bright sun and maybe the excessive late afternoon drinking. I excuse myself, drop an aspirin and tuck into my bunk, which is about 30 cm too short for me, so my legs hang off the end.

Sigh. Early night for me.

Highlights: Passing out

Not smashing a very expensive lens

[G & A], out

Who needs action when you got words