11 July, Day 28: To Uganda (ho!)

Breakfast was a pleasant affair. Had Kellogg’s (I think it was Kellogg’s) with cold milk, a piece of watermelon and pineapple. Hit that back with some strong coffee, before we placed our order for eggs (done “ice”. This I was told means “soft”, so ice it was). The lottery started shortly after, since Mattie put in a order for “raw” and Annelie for “relatively hard”. There was also a “scrambled”. We all got over cooked, although mine was pretty “ice”. Scrambled eggs REALLY fucked them up, but after the second plate of “ice” they eventually understood.

We thanked the “big chief” for the stay, even though the showers didn’t work. And even though they got folks in to fix a shower in one of our rooms yesterday, and the same folks tried sticking us with the bill. I’m learning that here in Africa as long as you still have a strong stomach, you haven’t been poisoned, you actually got a good night’s sleep, your car was still intact and tires inflated you’re ahead and should be thankful. And I was.

Looking forward to the border party again. Uganda is the destination, only about an hour or so away. The first town we’ll be arriving at is Jinja (think I may have spelt that wrong in a previous posting). Close by is where all the Nile rafting action is at.

Traffic was a breeze (by that I mean the taxis, busses and even bicycles still run you off the road, but somehow today they seem nicer about it) when we crawl to a standstill of people, shacks-an-shops, taxis, cars, big trucks and the usual fauna all blocking the road. This... was the border.

I really do wish I could take my camera along, a true spectacle to behold. All the players are there, only the currency-exchange executives all wear yellow over all, with “Money Exchanger” printed on it, and they all have calculators in hand. I discovered a new species today, the “Customs Liaison”. Friendly bunch of guys, all falling over their feet to help you. Dressed smartly, all wearing a very official looking tag on a lanyard around their necks, the live to serve as a facilitator of easy border crossing. Of course, they immediately attempt to touch my documents... which makes me understandably uncomfortable not to mention fucking pissed off. But I do smile and politely refuse their advances, which they only hear as “yes please”. No still means yes in Africa. I think Yes means “yes please, and here, have my wife too”. So I’m careful to use it, lest we start an international incident. I point to the see through plastic folder, the words “Carnet de Passage” emblazoned on the (now glowing, in the presence of Orcs) golden paper. And like most Holy Artefacts, it soon repels the heretics, the leeches and th3e stupid. I smile.

But not for long.

What a god damned mess. I mentioned all the cars and trucks blocking the road already, but picture a huge dustbowl of garbage and you’re almost there. Hey, at least there’s a Barclays here (which didn’t accept any of my 3 visa, Barclays cards). In the queue, get a blue form this time, fill in the useful-useless information, stand in line, bat the horde of “Exchange brokers par excellence” in over coats (but with pretty words and numbers printed on the back, so, they MUST be trustworthy), hand over passports and $100. Cars next. Find the office next door, informed we should go to their other office next to the gate. Walk the 200 meters to the gate where there’s a little booth perched on this mound if earth. Someone seems to have dug up a 3 meter stretch next to the road to install water pipes. The same someone probably got tired of the idea eventually. We now have a 3 meter wide, 1.5m deep, standing water, garbage infested and who knows what else barrier to reach the little office, perched on soil. To their credit, there are 3 sections of concrete pipe here! But something had started to grow on them since.

We get our climbing gear, say our goodbyes and vault the chasm. Success!

Well, success is relative. We now have to fill in reams and reams of forms (even though we HAVE the Carnets) and then walk back the 200 meters to the Barclays (yes, Barclays) and pay 47 000 UGs (yes, Ugandan Shillings, 1000 UGs = 4 S.A Rands, or about 28p in Old Country money) and then come back here. Not pushing our luck, we find another route off Customs Island and trek back to Barclays. Btw, I’m sweating like a moose at this time, it’s the hottest day yet! On the way to the car I gear up (or down?) into shorts and a lighter shirt.

Back to Barclays, 47 000 UGs become 49 000 (bank charges, you understand...). More waiting. And more waiting, then batting other Africans who thinks it’s savvy to jump queue. We show them that it’s not. That 4 pissed off Souf Afrikan male syndrome is coming on again. Annelie in the meantime has received our passports back, and eagle eyes as she is, she spotted that they only put my name on the paper for the visa. “Oh, sorree. let me correct(sic)”. How kind.

Grab an airlift back to Customs Island (where the margaritas as extra frosty). We don’t bother to balance on the precarious ledge in from of the window and just open the door to his cage (which is air conned!). This exercise is truly designed for maximum discomfort. I marvel at the thought. We hand over our slips and finally get the Carnet’s back (we persuading him to fill in the forms while we went to do his bidding). “Any other surprises?”, asks Fanie. None. “Where do we get a gate pass?” (this seems dumb, but if you don’t ask, and you’ve paid, and then you come back to get it, it’s a case of convenient memory loss for the clerk, or a major attitude problem to contend with).

One hour, fifty minutes and random seconds later, we pass the “gate” and leave the madness behind. I so look forward to doing that again.

Uganda is what you imagine the tropics to be. Road was shit up until about 30 KM’s in when we finally saw or 49 000 UGs at work in the form of pothole-less asphalt and even road signs. Oh, and painted lines on the road. Taxis still ignore them. And would you believe, a DUAL carriage way?! Impressive. I take pictures of this marvel of engineering.

I reckon it was around 14:00 or so when we arrived just shy of Jinja and pulled into the first Nile Lodge. Think it was called Jinja Nile Lodge and campsite or something (I didn’t jot it down, I was still in shock from the border). Adrift! It was called Adrift... just remembered. Very nice place, lots of backpackers mulling about. They have camp facilities and lodges, but our cars can’t park next to the tents. Big bar and lounge area overlooking (what I found out later) was the 1^st rapid if you were doing the river rafting) and a 70m bungee jump platform. But, all the bandas (little huts) where full and we couldn’t park the vehicles next to the tents. Pat, the manager recommended another spot just down the road, Nile River Explorers. Good rates, good food, although she has better showers.

On the way out, Annelie and I stop at this 5 Star hotel (which EVERYBODY knows about, but again, for the life of me, can’t remember the name). Woaw. Fully stocked has a new definition. Marble floors, immaculate woodwork and finished, big pool, pool table, vaulting stair cases, mosaic windows... etc. A real classy joint, at $200 per night. No camping (I think the concierge even snarled a bit. I do look like a beach bum though. But I drive the dirtiest, most bad-ass 4x4 in Uganda).

Off to the NRE and we find the camp site very suitable, also next to the Nile, further downstream, with fantastic views from the bar / lounge area, big pool, secondary lounge area, back backers lodges and room to camp. For Annelie and myself there was also the prospect to mix with the other travellers. The place also had that chilled backpackers vibe that we realised (much later) that we’ve been missing this entire tour.

Setup and head down the stairs the river. There are some folks there already and we strike up a conversation. The spot where you can swim is right next to what is the 1^st rapid if you were doing the river rafting so it’s like a mini waterfall, with interesting currents and eddies. 4 Kayakers are getting their orientation nearby. The Nile water was cool and very welcome in this blistering heat. I try swimming upstream, like a majestic salmon. Impossible! I walk it instead and go down the rapid (weeee!) but a few rocks along the way discourages me from trying it a third time.

Luke and Sam are 2 guys from South Africa and we chat a bit about what they’re studying and what brings them here and so forth. Later on we also met 2 Danish chicks, Sienna (think I’m spelling that right) and Catherine. They’re also keen to do the river rafting and we chat about lots of stuff. By sunset I’m semi sunburnt and hungry so we say our goodbyes and head back for meatballs and rice. Later at the Bar some of the guides put on a jam session of drums and acoustic guitar. The days rafting expedition arrived at around 18:00 to a fully decked meal of spit braai pork, lamb, all sorts of side dishes... all awesome! So they packed the bar / lounge and everybody was drinking and being merry. Annelie and I convince some of the others to join us tomorrow for the river rafting and Dirk, Mattie and Fanie agree. It’ll be a full day, about 32 KM’s down the river, 7 big grade 4, 5, and 6 rapids. Breakfast, lunch and that kick ass dinner (with 2 drinks, anything you want) included, up to 88 people can go, half days available, and we launch at a spot 45 minutes down the road from the other backpackers lodge (also owned and run by NRE, and were we will be having breakfast tomorrow). Truck leaves at 08:30 to this secondary backpackers lodge. Total cost, for a full day, all the gear, 3 meals, 2 drinks and 2 night’s accommodation thrown in: $125. What a deal!

We spend the rest of the evening enjoying the jam session and chatting. I snap a few pics of the band and the people. Looking forward to trying out the rafting. I’ve always wanted to do it, for some reason always missed out on the Orange river tours.

[G & A], out

Let’s get together and feel alright

10 July, Day 27: Kakamega forest

We’re all ready and breakfasted by 09:00. Abraham was on site by 08:45 already. Today’s walk is from a pre-discussed parking spot down to the Yala river. It should be about 3 hours. The other walks are up to one of 3 vantage points to see the entire forest. Annelie is quite keen to do both, so let’s see how it goes

We all load up and drive to the Forest offices where we each have to pay 600 KSh (divide by 10 for Rand. Divide by another 13 for Quid) for entry. One walk is 500 KSh per person. Back into the vehicles and we’re off to the parking spot, a short drive into the forest proper. It’s quite east to tell right from the get-go that Abraham is very knowledgeable on the forest. He shows us many interesting plant species and trees, most of which I have now forgotten. Some interesting highlights are trees that basically consume an existing tree (mostly of the fig tree family). They start at the top and slowly envelop the existing tree until only the fig tree remains. That’s why you sometime see totally hollow trees, because the primary tree has totally died off and disappeared.

Many of the trees in the forest have strong medicinal properties, up to 80% of them. As such, their well protected by the government and forest rangers. Many cancer curing remedies can be harvested from the forest. Seems a shame that more research into these remedies aren’t funded or allowed. Saw an interesting tree that has sandpaper leaves! Very popular among the local woman, who use it to file their nails. We continue on through the forest, Abraham stopping us at intervals to explain the significance of one or other plant or tree, to point out monkeys (blue tail, I believe) or to see butterflies and so on. 240 Tree species and 260 plant species.

The walk brings us to a grass land clearing. Abraham points out that the part of the forest we just walked through was once grassland but the forest claimed it back. He said in about a few years hits patch of grassland will also be overgrown.

We reach a bank next to the roaring Yala river. Very cool! Snap a few pics, water is nice and cool and runs clear. Lots of rocks and rapids here, I kinda feel like jumping it. Another path takes us back to the cars, but along we way we are treated to more butterflies and loads of orchids. Ok, so my idea of a orchid is a bit skewed, all the orchids we’ve seen look like little dying twigs. But oh well.

3 Hours of walking I tell Annelie I’m done walking today. Abraham pointed to a hill and says that that it one of the vantage points. I reckon nooit, I’m done, and hungry, and sweaty. The forest is cool, but still humid. On the way back to Savona we stop by Ronda Retreat, just to see what the others were talking about. Wow. Wow wow. Huge, well manicured lawns, very well tended little cottages and tall tees. It really is another dimension to the world outside. Abraham shows us more orchids... meh. We come across nuns doing a photo shoot. No there’s a first.

All done and back to camp for lunch. We thank Abraham and pay him his well deserved 500 KSh each. The dude has way more knowledge and scientific names of things that we could ever care about, and he clearly loves what he does. If you ever need a full blown tour of Kakamega Forest, feel free to contact him on kakmegaforest[at]yahoo[dot]com :)

Lunch consists of Dorito’s Fiery Habenero chips, with cut cheese, tomato and avo (I had a hankering for Nachos, this was the best I could do). Delicious, and super unhealthy. We lounge by the pool even take a quick dip (which cost me 100 Ksh. Apparently I had to pay for the privilege).

Helped Mattie with his canopy, the seals have come out and as such was now leaking water into the back each time it rains. Had a quick afternoon nap after that, having placed our order for dinner 1^st. Having the grilled chicken tonight, since it looked like a safe bet last night. And it was, very tasty. Kitty was there again, pawing me for food, he got a few scraps.

Leaving for Uganda tomorrow (get your safety dance on!). Leaving just after breakfast at 08:00. Spoken to Mattie, Annelie and I would dearly love to go see the gorillas, if we can get in (only 30 tourists a day, and at $350 per person, it aint cheap) and we wanna do some white water river rafting in Jinya (best in the world, or so I’m told.) Spoken to this American chick at the bar tonight, but I lost interest after all the “it’s extreme”, “not so extreme,” “totally extreme”, “extreme man, EXTREME” extremes she simply insisted on using. I gathered it was a pretty cool thing to do when you’re in town, so, that's what we’ll do.

[G & A], out

Who’s got the rain

9 July, Day 26: All the tea in Kenya

I’m up way early today. Sun is already blazing by 07:00, so I un-cocoon myself and hop out of bed, get some coffee and rusks for the wife (man of the Year, 2009 nominee) and start packing up.

Mr Tea pot (I call him now, since I cannot for the life of me remember his name...) collets us at 09:00 and walks us around the back to the tea plantation. As with the 1^st plantation we saw coming into town, this one is every bit as impressive. I later found out the big one we saw was Lipton’s. The other big tea company operating here is Finleys. A few interesting bits:

The trees at this plantation are 60 years old. They were planted in 1965. The trees (because that’s what they are, not bush or shrubbery. The Red bush variety is a bush, of course.) are allowed to grow waist height. This allows for easy picking, since you don’t have to bend too low or reach high. Picking is done by hand, in gangs of up to 60 people. They get paid 7 KSh per KG, and on average a single picker can pick 60 KG’s. The better ones can go up to a 100KG’s. Work starts at 07:00 to 16:00 each day and they rotate plantations every 2 weeks, to give the top leaves time to re-grow. As you can as such gather, they only harvest to top leaves, by hand, with a scissor like motion, and chucks it into a basket on their backs.

At every interval you see a higher growing stem (as opposed to the seemingly perfectly manicured uniform height). The trees look very thick and almost insurmountable but you can actually walk through them with ease. Each picker will return to the same block every 2 weeks, so he picks up where he left off. This is so that they don’t inherit another pickers mess, since it’s in your best interest to pick carefully so you don’t damage the leaves below the top most leaves and that, 2 weeks later, you have a intact, fresh batch to harvest (quite cool, I thought).

Each picker walk around with a little stick, called a picking stick. They place this on top of the tree as a measure. Any part that sticks out above that is plucked. Just like getting a haircut, but using a comb! Quite smart.

Employed workers are given housing on site and their children go to schools on site too. No one younger than 18 can work in the plantation, although during school holidays the kids can help out if they want (more for fun, really. Remember, the trees are waist high, for an adult. So very high for a kid).

Dotted around the plantation are eucalyptus and gum trees. These are used at the factories as fuel to aid the fermentation process. Fermentation is done naturally, no additives. The leaves are chopped finer and finer and left to ferment before being packaged. Flavours may also be added, depending on the end product. No pesticides are used in this particular plantation, and old, inferior tea plants and recycled as compost (the squishy bits we were standing on).

New trees can be cultivated from stems cut off an existing tree. These are cultivated in a lab in a tube with soil for 3 weeks. The new sapling can then be planted outside and allowed to grow for 3 years before it too can be harvested. Tea trees can grow up to 25 meters or more if they’re not pruned or harvested. Pruning takes place every 4 years and new branches grow back in 3 months. Some of the trees here had moss on them! A testament to how old they were.

After the tour, we are invited to the hotel for some tea and biscuits. Delicious! We also pay 200 KSh per person for the tour. Do some quick math on that, and he made a cool 1200 KSh. How much do plucky pluckers pluck in a plucking long day? Was it 60KG’s @ 7Ksh per KG? And that’s for a full day. He worked one hour. Mmmmm. The man clearly has a niche. Whatever. It was worth it. The hotel was quite full as well, so no doubt Mr Teas Pot made a killing.

We’re outta there by 10:30 and Annelie and I stop at the gate, at an old fuel station which now served as a curio shop. Cool stuff, very impressive workmanship. We buy some coasters for that awesome Tanzanian dark wood table I’m gonna buy. One day. When I’m big.

Onward to Kakamega (that WAS the right spelling). By 13:47 exactly we reach the equator! Well, we kinda drive over it, by a few meters, reverse, drive forward, reverse a scotch and stop. Everyone gets out and starts debating where the REAL line is, since the GPS units are all RIGHT, but we’re standing in different locations. We decide what’s a few meters between friends, draw our own lines in the sand and straddle them while we snap some pics. The locals think we are supremely batty. Weird thing is, this aint nothing like Greenwich, with a nice tidy garden and line showing where the equator is. Just little run down shops, only ONE with “Equator” in the name (they sold hardware). This being Africa, I was expecting a boom, with a toll of at least $5 and a shit ton of the same, tired, souvenir shops selling globes cut in two or whatever trinket you’d associate with, I dunno, a line half way through the planet. Whatever, we had fun anyways! I look forward to the toilet water turning the opposite way when I pee-pee.

We reach the forest reserve about 3 hours later and start checking for a spot to deploy. Pretty slim pickings, even if the 2 places we visit weren’t full already. We are also introduced to rain forest conditions: rolling thunder heralding a bit rain storm in exactly 3 minutes. Swell. We decide that camping in this rain is the pits and proceed to another Lodge. But at $50 pp according to the locals, Annelie and I opt for the Savona Isle Resort, which according to my Lonely Planet is not bad. The Savona wasn’t on any of the GPS units, however. We pick up a tour guide who can show us the way.

Rock up at Savona, and it looks quite good. For the price, it’s a steal at 2600 KSh for a room. Big bar area, nice restaurant, pool, steam room (hasn’t worked in 10 years, from the looks of it) and located in the middle of the river (hence the “Isle” bit) surrounded by huge bamboo and trees. We check in and just as I SMS the others they arrive. Apparently the $50 pp Rondo was PARADISE! But they too are fully booked. Everybody checks in and orders dinner (seems a common thing in African lodges, where you have to order in the afternoon already so that they can prepare everything). They have a HUGE menu, even “Chainese”. Yes, that should be Chinese. We gamble on the mutton curry. We get... something. Very chewy, I suspect it was goat. I feed half my plate to the cat begging next to my chair all night. The chips where fantastic! As where the chapattis, a doughy pancake thing.

Tuck in at 21:00. I’m quite tired today, don’t know why. We setup the most useless mosquito net in Kenya and hope for the best. The tour guide we picked up earlier turns out to be an official Kenyan tour operator. Name is Abraham, speaks with a lisp. We’ve singed up for a 3 hour walk in the forest, tomorrow after breakfast. Looking forward to it.

Highlights: The equator! Well, MY equator line was more right. So...

Learning all about tea

[G & A], out

It’s all just a little bit of history repeating

8 July, Day 25: Funny hats and tea-mazes

Get up, have some coffee (some instant brand, Mexicana. A little more tangy than the Africafe, still ALL good). Have some pronutro (breakfast of champions) pack the bullet and say our goodbyes. Pat may actually be joining us on our way back from the Northern bits of Kenya. Maybe. She’s in two minds still. Say goodbye to Neill(tche, Neilltche) and little Mia. She’s not saying much today, I steal a hug anyway.

We have a long drive ahead of us to reach Kakamega (I think I’m spelling that right). About 6 hours or so. Kakamega is a rain forest reservation. The area was once just one big rainforest, but, you know. Humans.

Quick pit stop at the local petrol station for some juice. We get out of Karen at about 09:30. Along the way we climb quite a few meters, beautiful views down into the rift valley, that runs from Jordan all the way to the bottom end of Lake Malawi. One great big tear in the earth, very green and over grown. What’s even more interesting is that the rift is widening still! By about 10mm a year, give or take. This is also a reason why there are so many active volcanoes in the region. Well, not active right NOW, but...

Anecdote: Mt Kilimanjaro is the highest mountain in Africa, but it’s also the highest free standing mountain in the World. It’s tallest peak is Kibo, at 5895m. Mawensi is 5149m. Oh, and it’s a dormant volcano. Big badad boom!

The second highest in Africa is Mt Kenya. Also a volcano, but extinct. Elevation of 5199m. Kilimanjaro and Kenya are the only two objects in the world to be covered with snow all year round next to the Equator. Pretty cool, huh? :)

Back on the road... we spot these funny little vendors, wooden shacks built on stilts that hang over the side! As per usual they all sell the same stuff, all 30 of them (Africans have zero imagination. They spot ONE guys doing something and copy it, and the next copy him and so on. Over saturation for them, good bargaining grounds for us). We make a quick stop to check out the wares. They have huge sheepskin pelts, sheepskin hats and the usual trinkets and ornaments (dust collectors). I buy Annelie and myself a sheepskin hat each and pick up a cowboy hat made from bark! Yes, tree bark!. Amazing. Probably last me all of 1 month, but dude... a hat... made of bark! Very soft btw, not what I’d normally associate with tree bark. The sheep skin hats need a wash though. I think the vendor may have worn it to work today. It has a pungent odour on the inside...eeeew.

One more stop to admire a little church, where some police officers have setup a road block. We’re cool though, they’re stopping trucks and busses. The church has a plaque saying it was erected in 1942. The locals mention that the Italians built it. Very beautiful stonework, a little chapel, even a steeple!

The roadside display very nearly turns into a rainforest of huge, huge trees. There is also many tree plantations that add the canvas. Lots of ravines and valleys as we climb ever higher. The sky is quite ominous, looks like rain tonight. GPS reports we are 9” (that’s minutes) from the equator. It’s so beautiful here we decide that we should setup camp and travel on to Kakamega tomorrow. Great plan, since it’s almost 16:00 already.

By the time the road levels out again we are treated to hectares upon hectares of tea plantations! As far as the eye can see, rolling up and down the hills, plantations and other trees dotting the landscape. They look like thick, waist high, very well manicured hedges. But miles of the stuff. We stop and explore a bit, little pathways criss-cross through them and standing on the roof of the bullet, they begin to look like midget mazes to me. I imagine a TV show featuring midget mazes. Heh heh heh.

Push on to Kericho, and turn into the Tea Hotel and campsite. Very colonial, the hotel I find out later was built in 1955. But the decor and maintenance was probably last performed in 1956. So wallpaper peeling off walls in the art-deco dining rooms, patio sets made out of hangover-puke green fibreglass, little tulip bucket seats. A pool area that must have been a real happening spot back in the day. Now... no. Not so much. We’re assured we can swim if we want.

The campsite itself aint bad. Nice soft grass, little shelter for making food. We setup and get drinking before long. A man offers to take us into the tea plantations behind the hotel tomorrow for a tour. We gladly sign up, 09:00 tomorrow. Our iPod transmitter seems to have malfunctioned, wont switch on. Power switch doesn’t “click” anymore. I grab a soldering iron from Dirk, brannewyn and coke handy while I attempt to short the power switch. It starts raining shortly after. The other move the very fragile fire we finally got going under the shelter. I get a little wet, but the iPod tuner works again! It is however stuck on 108.0 (for your most banging awesomnist tjunes!).

The evening is easy going and jovial, lots of merry making, eating (in sessions, since the fire was so crap. We had salad, then chips, then fried chips on the gas stove, then steak, eaten by hand, then marsh mellows, which we toasted on what was left of the fire). Marietta sang for us, very beautiful and laughter at crappy dirty jokes and stupid shit. It was one of the better evenings we’ve had with the group so far.

We pack up and crawl into bed, not raining anymore. I get up again 20 minutes later to pack up our chairs (paranoia settling in) and a big black dog darting out of the big black shelter we sat in earlier. It manages to scare 4 different couloirs of shit out of me, I let out a “yelp” which I quickly turned around into a “I-totally-meant-to-yelp-manly-BEGONE-youMANGYmutt” man-command. Because I’m manly. And shit listens to me when I speak.

Don’t tell my wife.

Sleepy time.

Highlights: Good evening of drinking and good chatting.

My first view of a tea plantation!

[G & A], out

I’m a soul man

Postcards from the road

 

7 July, Day 24: Another day of rest

Spent a lot of time doing sweet bogger all today. I went out to buy some groceries and exchange some TSh for Kenyan Shillings. The prices is pretty decent, I divide everything by 10 to get the Rand value, and convert back to pounds from there. Long way round.

The whole place reminds me a lot of home, as in Cape Town. Lots of quite advanced shopping centres and arrogant locals and taxis. Seriously, I could pick up the latest Sony Bravia 52 inch LCD if I so wish. Run across a cellphone store and buy a 3G dongle. Got home and spent the next 3 hours trying to unlock it, so it’ll work on any network. I’ve got it figured out now, but the catch 22 is that I need to be online to do it! And Vista doesn’t like both internet dongles being plugged in at the same time. Later, later. I’m good for Kenya and we’ll be here and around for about 2 – 3 weeks.

The rest of the time everybody just lazed about. Fanie took his car in to fix up the one CV boot. I updated some pics, Annelie chatted with Pat and the girls (no place for a warm blooded male). Other random repairs and useless reconfigs on the vehicles were completed.

Went out to the Panari Sky Centre, a brand new hotel and conference centre in Karen. There’s a very nice buffet restaurant called Pampa there, Brazilian food. It’s the same concept as Roizio Rico in the Angel high street. Basically it’s not a ala Carte menu. You arrive, sit down and you can start with a starter or salad from the salad bar. You have a paper disc in front of you, red for “Nao Obrigado” (no thanks) or “Bring it on” green. Every 2 minutes or so a gentlemen with a large skewer of meat and a very, VERY sharp knife comes over to stand next to you. He proceeds to cut a slither of meat which you grab with a little tong. Meat ranges from beef, beef, more beef (top side, ribs, steak, lamb, pork etc etc), fish (dolphin mostly, even though it’s a mammal technically), crocodile and mountain gorilla. The gorilla is surprisingly delicious, not as tough as I would have thought, while the dolphin tastes very close to a mix of tuna and chicken. I’m told the gorilla is so tender because they only serve baby gorilla, although silverback is quite nice in its own right.

...

Ok, I’m totally kidding about the dolphin and gorilla. Gorilla is actually not so good.

...

Ok, I’m totally kidding. No endangered species were are on the menu. In fact, a law passed about 3 years ago bans all hunted wild life to be served in restaurants, unless they’re raised on game farms specifically bred for it.

Seriously. NO GORILLA OR DOLPHIN. We good? Ok, let’s continue.

We kept it going as long as we could. They served this beef loin dish that tasted EXACTLY like the ox tail Grandma used to make! Damn it was good man. Had quite a few deep fried bananas too, my favourite at Rodizio in London. All done and out, Annelie was the very last one to flip her green disc to red. They clear our plates and bring us desert: Fried pineapples covered in cinnamon. DELICIOUS! Followed by cappuccino. Oh my goodness, what great espresso! I buy 500g of the stuff. I now own 1.5 KG’s of coffee beans.... so far. Kenya has quite a few good coffee spots, and Trevor mentions that even in the supermarket I should look out for a few names. Mia was the belle of the ball all night, migrating from lap to lap, spending most of her time on my lap, sharing my food and exploring my camera (which she really enjoyed seeing her own picture), my leather bracer, my beard, Annelie’s fluffy jacket etc etc. “Meeaow”. “Tappy”. Trevor and Neill thanks us for keeping her busy. They haven’t had a quiet dinner in the last 2 years! They say it’s quite unusual that she stays occupied for so long.

No, we are not broody.

Traffic is way better back home and we’re all home safe and sound by 23:00. Very good evening. Tomorrow we leave on the next leg of our journey into the rest of Kenya.

Highlights: enough meat to kill a donkey

[G & A], out

What’s your name again?

6 July, Day 23: Nairobi Ho!

All done, one last shower in the Most Amazing Shower in Africa and a quick huddle before we leave the Roika compound. Say goodbye to Edna and thank her again for everything. Town is busy this time of the morning, but we arrive at Luca’s offices. He meets us there and an associate arrives with the stones. We inspect each and I’m very sorry to report that they were no good. One even had a tiny crack in it. Not nearly enough of that sexy deep-blue violet with red flare. No pretty cuts. I thank him for his trouble but he’s cool with that. Snap a few pics before we go and say our goodbyes.

The others are just outside town on the Nairobi-Moshi road (so the opposite direction we went yesterday). Just before 10 we’re on our way. It’s about a 3hour stretch once we’re into Kenya, but we still need to drive another hour or so to the border.

Very, very barren hills and Masai herding cattle. And, dust storms! Basically brings the convoy to a crawl, incredible experience.

Customs time. Just a small insight on how my head works, but every time we stop at these things Men at Work’s “Safety Dance” starts playing on loop in my head. It’s Pavlovian in its beauty. I also imagine myself wearing a big yellow hardhat and doing the robot, switching up my sweet moves with some moonwalking action through the immigration bits. Come on, sing with me:

“You can dance if you wan’o, you can leave our friends behind, and your friends can’t dance and if they don’t dance well they’re no friends of mine”

Hey, don’t judge.

(ps: I got that song in your head now. And it’s gonna stay there alllll day.)

(pps: my pleasure)

Stop at the designated area, BUSY. Hawkers, hustlers and busses full of tourists (sensibly dressed, so probably not Americans). Grab the passports, the Carne’s and a fist full of dollars and start wading through red tape. Diligently fill in forms and books that no-one will ever, ever, never ever ever read. Ever. Go to the next counter, wash rinse, repeat. Fill in the forms for the Bullet, hand over the Golden Tickets (aka Carne de Passage), pay $40 for this privilege. Oh, and guess what: our COMESA insurance things we bought for a fortune when we entered Tanzania? Turns out, they’re legal! Imagine that.

Another stop just before crossing into Kenya, to fill in yet another book with useful info nobody cares about. A mere 50 minutes later and we are into Kenya.

We’re off to Karen, a town a few km’s away from Nairobi. Karen is named after Baroness Karen Christence Blixen-Finecke. The movie “Out of Africa” is based was based on her experiences on a coffee plantation in British East Africa (now Kenya). Fanie’s cousin has a house there and we will be lodging with her for a few days to plan our next move.

The road takes us through many shanty towns, varying from bad to really bad. Kenya definitely has a different vibe than the other countries, can’t quite place it yet.

We cruise through town and hang a left into a very nice neighbourhood, with large green trees and high hedges. Fanie mentions that this used to be the Bishopscourt (very posh neighbourhood in the Southern Suburbs of Cape Town) 20 years ago. Still looks pretty good to me.

One security gate later and we all park at Pat’s house. Large parking area, enough for the 4 4x4’s and at least 4 other vehicles. Large grass lawn with swings, a little house and the security building. And then of course Pat’s very large (must be at least) 12 bedroom house. She greets us as we arrive and welcomes us. House rules are simply, she has 5 dogs, 3 Jack Russels and 2 German Sheppards. So keep the doors closed, as she doesn’t like them getting out. Kenya is experiencing severe water shortages, so the taps don’t have any water. Water has to be bought and brought in with trucks each day. Scheduling for showers would be essential.

Tonight we made a ton of meat. Pork ribs, boere wors , lamb chops and Johan made his speciality stuiwe pap, met uie smoor. Baie baie Lekker! It’s Johan’s lastly evening with us, his flight out is very early, 07:00 tomorrow. So he needs to be at the airport for 04:30 or so. We all eat, drink and are merry, say our goodbyes and good nights and tuck in. Annelie and I managed to secure a room in the house, one of 3 available rooms (the others are rented out, separate apartments really). Our room is 2 single beds.

Lots of interesting trinkets, we have a Las Vegas slot machine in ours, next to a very broken old 386 PC, monitor et al.

Quirky.

Highlights: Um, not sure. No real highlight. I kinda dig the slot machine!

[G & A], out

You can dance if you wan’o...

5 July, Day 22: moshimoshi from Moshi

News from the Serengeti was quite positive. The rest of the group got to see many great sights and stay and wonderful lodges. The road in the Serengeti was kak though, so the whole affair was quite tiring. Highlights include a pride of 24 lionesses and they’re cubs around the vehicles (Johan showed me a few shots from his camera. Damn nice!). Marieke asked one of the guides if she can’t take one with her. Beatrice, the guide calmly replied: “Sure, why don’t you ask the mother?”. Having seen pics of “mother”, I doubt she’s a lady that likes to be trifled with. So much muscle and sinew, and she was just at rest!

Last night Dirk and the crew made a deal with Godwin, one of the tour guides to show us the area around Marangu, one of the spots at the base of Kilimanjaro. After that, we can drop him off at home, a village close by. We would have left today for Kenya already, but we need to hold tight another day. An ATM swallowed Dirk’s card during the safari and a replacement will be available for pick up on Monday (i.e. tomorrow). I need to apply for THAT kind of banking service! Suits me just fine, I want Luca to sell me some tanzanite and he doesn’t deal on a Sunday. We can try and do a deal tomorrow morning first thing instead.

We’re all ready to go for our day trip (rather, I know NOW it was a day trip. Both Annelie and I thought it would be a quick 2 hours or so...) by nine sharp and head out on the same road we took yesterday, that leads to Moshi.

Anecdote: Moshi means Smoke in Swahili. This is from Kilimanjaro’s volcanic activity years ago and because that damn mountain is almost perpetually covered in clouds (or rather, looks like it’s smoking).

Today is no different. All overcast, no Biggest Mountain in Africa(tm) to be seen. I’m beginning to think it’s all a damn lie! Moshi is more of the same beautiful lush trees and greenery, but clearly a city planner was actually present when they built it (as opposed to Arusha’s slapdash layout). The roads are well kept and Godwin (who now broadcasts live over the 2-ways) tell us that this is because of the colonials that planned and developed Moshi back in the day. So lots of access roads to the city centre. Traffic is much calmer here too for it too. Still no sign of Kili.

Godwin treats us to few anecdotes and pertinent pieces of info about the surrounding area. Before long we arrive at Makuru, one of the many angles of approach to Kilimanjaro. There is a waterfall here that he says we should check out. He’s brother also has a restaurant here. There are other industries present, a few lumber mills, stands for what are possibly markets during the week, furniture manufacturers (amazing what they do with zero to no tools), a joinery and cafe’s. We park off and walk along the pathway until we enter a rich forest area. It’s quite sunny by this stage and the clouds show signs of clearing up. The path is a gentle 10 degrees upwards slope and Annelie take the opportunity to run up it, making sure to ask Godwin which way she should go once she reaches the top. Off she goes (clearly she has too much pent up energy).

I’m taking a more relaxed approach, allowing the rest of the group to carry on a ahead while I stroll and admire the aura of the place. Very calming effect, the trees. They also have a pine plantation here (first I’ve seen in Tanzania). Explains all the pine used for the furniture back where we parked. I snap a few pictures for posterity.

At the top there is a little office and a slightly winded Annelie. We pay for admission, about 2000 Tsh each. The office is basically at the top of the waterfall, and you can hear the roar of the water from here. They have a little cultural heritage exhibition here too, but the works of arts look a little beat. We enter a little cove that leads down stone stairs all the way down to the waterfall. Very nice, not the biggest waterfall I’ve ever seen (it aint no Victoria Falls, for instance) but still a very nice site. Shoes off, sit on a rock in the water and appreciate the waterfall. After a quick crash course in how to use my camera, Godwin snaps a few pics of us. Water is refreshingly cold as we stand in the middle centre of the pool, brrrr! Gingerly walk back to terra firma, put our shoes back on and back up the stairs.

It so happens that Godwin’s brother owns the restaurants where we parked, and before we went down to the waterfall the rest of the guys order 1.5 KG’s of lamb. I took one look at the meat, flies and all and Annelie and I decided, um, no. We’ve just recovered whatever the hell we had, so not again. So when we got back to the parking lot, we took a seat at one of the tables outside and enjoyed a nice cold beer, Kilimanjaro. I’ve had Kilimanjaro lager before, but not AT Kilimanjaro! So, that was cool :)

Food arrives and it actually doesn’t look half bad. They seem to have deep fried it or something, so all the bugs should be dead. I try some (very tiny piece). Not bad, quite tasty. They serve it with chips and a homemade chilli sauce. Chips in Africa is ALWAYS good, and usually a safe bet. Goes well with the chilli and the cool beer.

Next stop is just past the gate into the Marangu national park and reserve, where climbers approaching the mountain from this side meet up to begin their adventure. Lots of hawkers tying to sell us trinkets as we enter, the drive up to the gate was very picturesque, a winding slope further up the mountain. There is a large group packing gear on a patch of grass here, all directed by a gentlemen in a red jumper. These aren’t the climbers, they’re the bearers! Chat the guy, Nyatta about it. They’re taking 14 guys up, each with their own day packs, and then 45 bearers for the equipment. Cookers, mess hall tents, plates, forks, cups, climbing gear, you name it. Each bearer carries on average 20kg’s.

They do 6, 7, 8 and 9 day summits. They prefer the 9 day ones, since they get a 96% success rate on those tours. Most of the bearers have done the summit over 50 times. Needless to mention, they are supremely fit. Annelie in the meantime had a one to one session with one of the guys, James. He’s a vet, seen this movie at least 200 times, 24 times this year alone, 26 years old. Their conversation started with the climbing of the mountain, how many folks die during these trips, how many people go crazy, how many they have to race down the mountain due to lack of oxygen (on these improvised stretcher-cum-cart contraption, with one bicycle wheel. Their conversation turns to more cultural discussions, as the other guys start teasing him for talking to Annelie. James explains that in the African psyche, there is only “I have or I don’t have”. And if you are married to someone, you own them. So if someone else talks to your possession, you get very aggressive. She thanks him for the insight.

We snap a few pics of all the hustle and bustle. Also get a cool pic of the guys and their rental shop for mountain gear. Quite cheap, £215 dollars for everything. Incidently, if you’re keen on doing say a 8 day summit, excluding the gear you can expect to pay around $2200.

It’s about 14:45 or so when we leave there to head to Godwin’s house, about 8Km’s from here. He has a little piece of land there where he farms everything, coffee, bananas, berries and beans.

Anecdote: there are roadworks everywhere. In every African country thus far there are massive road building projects. But what's weird is that they don’t start and finish segments of it, but fuck up the WHOLE road at once. Good for whoever is getting paid a fortune to do it, bad for us. We also think the governments of theses countries use it as political ammo. “See, we’re improving infrastructure”. What they don’t mention is that they’ve been at it for 10 years now, what should have taken 4, and very little good asphalt to show for it.

Anyway, as you can gather, more roadworks and bad roads to Godwin’s house, earth moving equipment and cowboys driving big huge rickety trucks. At least they smile and wave while their driving you off the road.

The rocket scientists running this particular stretch of the African road building cluster-fuck managed to bulldoze the entrance to his place, so good thing we have these big bad 4x4’s. I would have never guessed there even was an entrance. It looks like if you where to hang a right there, you’ll be going extreme bush whacking into a tropical forest of huge banana trees en thick underbrush. Turns out, there is a small tunnel and dirt road through it all, with little forks to 3 or 4 houses off to the right and left. Totally hidden away! Lots of farms lands, corn, etc and people at work in the fields.

We arrive at a little parking area and Godwin takes us on the tour of his farm. They’re about 4 brothers, all sharing a fairly large patch of land between them. He points out the borders where his brothers plot ends and his starts, I can’t tell the difference. What I can tell is that we are witnessing extreme intensive farming! Banana trees, heavy with bananas dominate, with little banana trees growing next to them. Godwin says to cut off the bunch they cut down the whole tree instead. By that time, the little tree next to it is ready to start bearing fruit. The soil here is INCREDIBLE. Underneath the canopy of banana trees grow coffee plants, a type of potato plant, beans, think I say some cabbage too. Big BIG SUPERBIG Avo trees are all over too. Godwin reckons at present they harvest about 500KG’s of coffee beans, but in 2 years he can up that to a 1000. At 2000 TSH a KG, that’s pretty good going. Still cheap, I bought 250g for 6000 in town.

They pick the berries, once they’re red and dry them in the sun for 3 days before selling it on to the cooperative for the roasting and whatever blending they do.

There are also 2 graveyards here. Earlier in the day Godwin mentioned that it’s custom for family members to be buried in private burial grounds at home, this way they can be maintained better. The groves are very well manicured and immaculate, glowing white crosses on the white stone graves, fresh flowers put out.

We get to his house and are greeted by his lovely wife, Susan. There is a tiny banana tree next to a high hedge surrounding his house, little patch of grass growing quite well in this fertile soil. He explains that the little banana tree is a lightning rod, and there is another on the other side of the house. Lightning storms is a big deal around here...

We’re invited to sit in the lounge and are served drinks. The hospitality of the African people still blows me away. Susan has prepared a green banana stew which she implores us to try. Green bananas taste almost exactly like almost cooked potato, and the lamb in the stew was quite nice. And the house is very very beautiful. A modest one to be sure, but the finishing is quite pretty. The ceiling especially is made from a mosaic of very dark wooden slats. I ask the obvious question: how did you get all the cement, glass, wood and building material down here? With a lot of effort, he laughs. He and his brothers built the house, just like all their houses. Very very impressive.

Our drinks done, we thank our most gracious hosts and walk to the vehicles. A side note here about Godwin: he has a very friendly, open demeanour, very humble. The others mentioned before that his field knowledge is unsurpassed and that he’s read on the animals is truly amazing. One instance was when from a distance he say a troupe of zebra and said “there are lions over there”. They asked how he can tell and he said he can see by their body language (they weren’t running away or storming or anything, to the untrained eye they were just grazing). Sure enough, lions, 3 o’clock. Another time: lots of cars down the road. Godwin says “there is a cheetah there”. Obvious, since there are lots of vehicles gathered round, and a very high tree. Sure enough, there she was. It’s clear to me also how much general knowledge he possesses. And clearly he’s a most excellent farmer.

We say our goodbyes and promise to name his name if other folks ever want to come to Tanzania for a safari.

On the way to Arusha, Kilimanjaro just peeks through the cloud. As we go along, the clouds start clearing up more and more. Finally, I get to fire of a few pics of the elusive giant! Frame a few from the top of the bullet, standing on the spare tire and Annelie has to stop every few hundred meters so that I can get another angle. “Just one more shot”, I say. Just one more, this time with the sunflower fields. Oh oh, and this one, framed by these massive trees. Oh, stop stop stop, I can see the entire ice cap, I simply must put my 70-200 with the 2x extender to work!

I can do this all day, and in this golden lights from the setting sun... well. I can really do this all day.

The balance is that we arrive back at the Roika’s quite later than usual. I’m making chilli con carne tonight, my speciality. Yesterday we were at Shoprite again and I bought all the ingredients. First time I’ve made it in a cast iron cauldron on a little gas stove, but it was a huge hit, even by my standards. A subtle hint of chilli, just enough for a mild afterburn. I need to be subtle, since Annelie won’t heat a really hot one.

Off to bed by 22:00. Tomorrow we have to scramble a bit to get all our gear packed up, Dirk to get his card and I want to get Luca down to his offices first thing to try and buy some Tanzanite. But for now, it’s sleepy time.

Highlights: Seeing Kilimanjaro for the first time, having a Kili on Kili.

Godwin’s farm and proof of how upwardly mobile people can truly be should they choose to do so.

Lalla salama...

[G & A], out

Interplanetary, extra ordinary