18 July, Day 35: Due south

Slept better than Moses in a basket. Woke up a few times, thought I heard hippos outside the tent. Ignored it, Nile whispering sweet nothings to me. We’re heading back to Jinja today, and it’s a helluva journey. After we pack up and have breakfast, it’s quite warm again. Annelie rinses some washing in the river before we strip down again and get our bath on. One last time. We’re waiting for the others to join us so that we can start the trek back to the border and onwards. The idea is to work our way back so that we’re in striking distance of the border tomorrow. We’re not crossing the border in Busia again (for obvious reasons, and it would be a detour for where we wanna end up. So Malaba it is.

Mattie, Marietta, Fanie and Hannelise joins us just after 09:00 and we make another quick visit to the falls to pay for the camping fee. Goodbye, you magnificent thing!

Very pleasant drive back to the camp gates. More baboons with babies blocking our path, before disappearing into the bushes. Stop for a few pics. Drive through 100’s of butterflies dancing on the wind (and some being sucked into the radiator. The Bullet is quite unfazed). By 11:20 or so we reach the gate and exit the park.

Interesting bit of road ahead of us, since we have to go via Kampala again. Eish. Before then we reach that same stretch of road with the speed bumps every 10 meters, men at work creating more bumps. We partake in a bit of slaloming again, driving over the bumps at an angle. Not long before we arrive back in Kampala, but it seems a bit more chilled today. Maybe we missed the peak traffic, it’s only like 13:45 or so.

Strange thing happens next. We make a call to try and drive on the brand new road that they’re building here. Now usually they’ll block your way, and they do after a few meters with planks of wood riddled with nails. But before we get too close, a worker jumps up and MOVES the barrier... So we continue driving. Next barrier (past these big concrete blocks) again, a worker moves it for us. There’s other traffic going through this ballet as well, bicycles, motorbikes, odd van or car. But it’s clear that you’re not technically supposed to drive here. The “halt, who goes there, ok, wait while I move the spikes” goes on 3 more times before we reach the last one. And here we are halted, by a very angry looking Ugandan wearing a bright yellow safety vest. Dirk chats to him, think he played dumb and just said we’re lost, and we didn’t know, etc etc. He doesn’t buy it, calls someone on the cell phone, more gesturing. Speak to Dirk again, we’re stuck here, right at the END, by this last obstacle.

No problem. Nothing a 1000 UGs can’t fix. Smiling broadly, he welcomes us to his stretch of the road. We smile and wave.

Onward we go, driving through sugar plantations as far as you can see. We arrive back in Jinja around 16:50. Mattie and Marietta pulls into the Nile River Resort (yeah, that 5 star resort I wrote about earlier). We head on to Adrift, that 1^st camp site we checked out last week but camped at the Nile River explores instead. Still the same deal, we can’t park the vehicles next to the tents. No worries, we’re not cooking tonight. We’re opting for the restaurant instead. Couple of folks doing bungee jumps when we arrive, so out comes the big-huge lens and I’m snapping away. I offer to email the guys some pics, and they’re very chuffed.

We place our order for 19:30, Pizzas (the other grab pork snitchels) and hit the showers. Sit and have a drink, and right next to us in a bush two big spiders are prepping the parlour, probably putting their orders for chow in as well. Two crazy British chicks who I took bungee pics of buy me 2 large Nile beers (thanks!). Food arrives and we join the others. Nat, the manager (from Australia) is very friendly and makes chit chat. She buys us another round of beers! The other guys bail out, and I have to finish all the left overs. By the end of the night, I’ve had about 4.5 litres, excluding the sundown Savannah we had.

Needless to say, I slept like a rock.

Highlights: Free beer!

Morning bath in the Nile!

[G & A], out

Promise me you won’t stop when I say when

17 July, Day 34: Murchison Falls

Totally flaked out on waking up for the sunrise. Damn. Today we want to go check out the star of the show, Murchison Falls. Only, we want to drive there and see it from above, since we've now seen it from below. The two Swiss campers (a Biochemist and Doctor) told us last night of a campsite right by the falls. The facilities are Spartan at best though. It's about an hour and a half drive to the falls from the Nile River Resort, on these bumpy roads. The option is to pack up totally, check out the falls and if it's ok we camp there. Or, leave everything here, drive to check the falls and return later. We're also keen on crossing the Nile via ferry to the other side and do a quick safari around the park. The ferry leaves at 10:00. It was 08:45.

Annelie and I opt for a quick saddle up, breakfast, shower and rush to the ferry. So do Marieke and Dirk. We're the last ones to leave the camp site (as usual). We wave Sidilla goodbye and blaze off into the sunrise. Everybody is queued up at the docks in line for the ferry when we arrive 4^th in line. A school-truck (flat bed truck with railings) arrives full of school kids. And we wait. And we wait. 10:00 am comes and goes. 10:30 comes and goes. And it's HOT! We park off under a tree and wait some more. Fanie and Dirk takes a car to the gate to find out what's up. I go chat to the other guys, when I get back to Annelie she's started her very own cult. Seems like the school kids have taken quite a shine to her, posing for pictures (there was a camera guy there, using an old film camera) and the teacher in charge asking her questions and so forth. Everyone was having a good time, including Annelie! They were posing with her while holding out her hair, to prove it's real and straight (they ALL had shaven heads, even the girls, and everyone was dressed in blue uniforms). I get asked to take pics with my camera so they can see what they look like on the digital screen, then I was roped into a photo session with the boat owners, and then I had to pose with them for photos. Quite funny. Some of the older gentlemen took quite a shine to Annelie also, requesting if they could have a personal pics with just them and Annelie. Meh, why not, all good fun. In the meantime, Dirk and Fanie return with some officials. It's 11:00 already. Long story short, but it was labelled as "human error". The ferry driver didn't organise enough diesel for the day, so he left the ferry right there to go organise more. Turns out he DID have enough diesel for two more trips, but still. What should have happened is that they should have organised it last night. In the parks board defence, they were very surprised at this and kicked some ass. Before long we where off, in this blazing heat. All the cars loaded up, school truck and this ferry became awfully cramped. More pics with Annelie (what am I, chopped liver??). Not long before we reach the other time and drive off into the park. Baboons everywhere, nursing baby baboons and scratching themselves.

And wow, what a treat. Some of the most green, lush and beautiful savannah we've ever seen (I must say, typing that is beginning to smack of cliché, but I'm truly limited in describing the indescribable!). Just wide, wide open spaces, dotted with thorn trees, or palms and chest high Elephant grass. Wildlife everywhere, Kob's, Water bucks, Buffalos, Warthogs, a whole TROOP of elephants, about 17 of them (one big fella scratching his side against a tree), Impala, a whole savannah FULL of Giraffe of every size, lots of birds (forgot all their names!), and rolling hills of green. Marieke has a natural talent for this kind of thing, her wildlife spotting ability unsurpassed. She radios in an antelope spotted in a tree. Dead, of course, it's head just hanging in the nook. Clearly a very big kitty dragged a kill up there. But to our dismay, no kitty was around to claim responsibility. Still. WOW. What a good spot! We reach a stop off point next to a river that flows back into the Nile, where we say cheers to Mattie and Fanie and drive the full circuit all the way back to the dock. Dirk, Marieke, Annelie and I continue on. Very interesting elephants along our way, including a lone, OLD, big fella, large tusks, just standing under a tree, taking a drink from the nearby waterhole now and again. Very cool, spend about 15 minutes just watching him, and him watching us. Such a noble spirit. We continue on. It's during this time that we reach our Northern most point of our journey: 2˚20'37" N (Lat) / 31˚33'52" E (Long). From this point forward, we're south bound, on our way home.

Back at the ferry, and it just docked, cars are driving off it. Two other vehicles muscle their way into the queue. The result is that Fanie and Mattie can't be on this particular trip and have to wait. Annelie expertly reverses the Bullet into position and we cast off. Funny thing happens while Mattie and co wait for the 15 minute return trip: a baboon jumps through the open passenger side window, into the cab and tries to steal whatever Mattie was stashing behind the seats. Marietta was scared senseless! Mattie charged the baboon, which give him one sour look before leaving the scene of his own volition. Cocky son of a gun.

Disclaimer: No damage was done, article stolen, or animals harmed in this production.

Onward to the falls proper, deeper into the national park. A few baboons hold us up as they crowd the road. They're very shy of cars though and duck into the bushes as we approach. The road turns a bit nasty, lots of sharp turns, sharp exposed rocks and potholes. A small inconspicuous board indicates "campsite" to the right. The first spot doesn't really inspire us with much mope, so we turn around and turn left into the second area. Time for low range. The path down to the river is all 4x4, at an incline of about 20 degrees down slope, lots of rocks. We park the bullet on the hill instead to do recon first. We're very pleased with what we find: 3 open lots, divided by trees all round, right next to the Victoria Nile (the "Nile's" name changes depending on which lake it flows out of). As it stands, we're above Murchison falls, which flows to the left and onward. The water is just one rapid on the next, if I had to grade it, I'd grade this entire stretch as one big grade 20. The river seems to flow violently in one direction on both banks, and then flow in the opposite direction in the middle!! It's all very beautiful and mesmerizing.

One or two other boggles, namely a little sandy bay, very inviting for a swim in the refreshing water, especially in this heat. The pod of 4 hippos lounging just a few meters away. The other two look more... prudent. Annelie and I choose the left most stand that leads to a little rocky platform, where previous campers created a fire pit. The spot overlooks the entire stretch of river, as far as you can see before it bends around the left to the falls. It also looks like a most excellent spot to chill and have a beer later, as well as take a splash, since it's unlikely hippos or crocs will hang around in this area (water is way to choppy).

Before we setup we take a trip further down the main road to the falls.

What amazing violence. Even with the windows closed you can already hear the roar. Difficult to explain what I was looking at. It's like somebody flipped a switch on a blender, frappe. Just one big mess of masses of water crashing into each other before cutting deep into black rocks to form the waterfall proper (also known as Kabalega Falls). It falls about 10 meters into another small pool and then again deeper, must be 50m down into nothing but foam and white water. It smashes into the left, then the right, then back to the left before finally becoming something more resembling a river further away. Back in '63, the only little bridge they built across this... madness... was destroyed during a flood.

But.. my word. Mesmerizing, hypnotic, raw. So loud, you can't hear yourself think. Not that you'd want to. I mean. Look at it!! I try again, in vain, to capture some of the essence of it, but there is no way a video camera or photo can cut it. Or rather, it's way beyond my ability to do so. The entire mass of the Nile (Victoria Nile, whatever) is forced through a relative door frame gap of unrelenting stone about 6 m wide, before it plummets about 120 m in three separate cascades.

Later on in the evening, we returned here to watch the sunset and Annelie and I spent a good half hour just sitting and chatting. I came to an epiphany that:

a) I'm in love with the Nile, which sparked the discussion if whether or not it's possible to be love struck by an inanimate subject

b) There is no such thing as an "off" day, for the falls. There's no "the Ocean looks so peaceful today, it's almost like a lake". The Nile, the waterfall, everything we're witnessing at this moment has been going and going and going like this for Millennia. Back when the Pharaohs and Cleopatra and all those folks where around, Kabalega was here. Maybe it was called something else. But this raw, unrelenting violence has almost always been here. 24/7/52/3000+. Wow.

Back at the camp, we had crackers with tuna and mayo and Doritos (cheese flavour) and enjoyed the brief tropical rainstorm (of exactly 37 rain drops) while sitting in our camp chairs on the rocky platform next to the bedlam, with a nice cold Savannah, of course. Before it got too dark, Annelie and I mentioned to Marieke that we will be taking our bath now, so they must kindly excuse us. We stripped down naked and plunged into the water, lather up in bio-soap and washing ourselves down with the lukewarm water (keeping an eye on the hippos. And hoping no enterprising crocodile happens to be surfing some gnarly rapids at that point). We felt like royalty!

Made a huge campfire to keep the hippos at bay, had some wine and tucked in at 21:00, after dowsing the fire a bit. Anything after this time is fair play for any hippo, and I suppose they'd want to get out of the water at this point. (read: we were way too shit scared to sit there by ourselves after Dirk and Marieke tucked in!)

Highlights: Bathing in the Nile, like a Pharaoh!

Seeing lots of wildlife!

Best campsite so far, by far.

[G & A], out

*instrumental*

16 July, Day 33: rolling down the river

Making bacon this morning. Restarted the fire, was attempting to chop wood but this axe is way too blunt and it’s way too hot, and it’s only 09:00! Get bacon and eggs going and all fed by 11:00. Have it on some left over, freshly baked beer bread. We’ve got a little downtime until our boat trip at 14:30, so we make the most of it by doing nothing. It. IS. SO. HOT!

Walk up to the lodge, through a little path underneath a canopy of trees. Park off on the chairs, Mattie buys us cold drinks. I think I’m addicted to Fanta, orange. It’s soooo hot. Lodge bar reckons only 30 degrees. But this humidity is the real killer. It costs $10 for a splash in their pool. Steep, considering we’re paying $10 per night to camp! But at this stage, I’d pay a 100. I hop through the shower for the 3^rd time this morning, for free, at the camp site. Hot...

At around 14:15 we drive down to the dock and board the catamaran. We’re joined by quite a few Dutch speaking nationals as we cast off. Even before we do, we spot a rather large pod of hippos across the way, and Buffalo on the bank. We continue up stream towards Murchison falls, spotting many more hippos and baby hippos, crocodiles, fish eagles, loads of buffalos and even 2 Crown Cranes, Uganda’s national bird! The guide tells us this is quite a rare spot. The banks are high with grass so all sorts of birds and animals can conceal themselves easily from view. I manage to snap quite a few really nice photos. As soon as we approach a pod of hippos for instance, they kill the engines and we’re instructed to be silent. The hippos generally allow us to get close-ish, which is more than close enough for this big big lens I have attached to my Canon! The severe sun and heat is somewhat lessoned from the cool breeze coming off the water, as the boat cruises on.

As we approach the falls the guide points out a blue signpost on the right bank. This is the spot where a certain Mr Ernst Hemmingway made a crash landing in 1954, in the treetops. He was rescued a few days later, walking away with a broken arm. Interestingly, on his rescue flight out of Uganda they had another crash! Which he also walked away from.

The water is slightly more choppy here, framed with a subtle roar in the distance. Closer to the falls there is a little bay off to the left. The approach looks like something out of the Lost World or Jurassic Park, high overgrown green cliffs and rocky outcroppings. And of course, the 25 crocodiles lounging in the bay off the left. The guide mentions that this is called the Crocodile Pool (as opposed to the Voodoo lounge, or piggy splashy pool). They camp here because they’re opportunists: they gobble up any dead fish that met their end in the violent falls just around the corner. Coming back to Mr Hemmingway, you can imagine that he may have been quite perturbed by the presence of the crocs and the multiple pods of hippos in the area.

The boat moors off a rock in the middle of the stream (far away from the croc buffet) so we can disembark and take touristy shots. I take touristy shots. Mattie slips and falls. Bounces back up, all good, just a bruised ego. All done, we board again and head back. Just in time to race a MASSIVE storm cloud rolling in from the direction of the falls. Almost like the waterfall demands penance for our intrusion. I think I shot some of the most beautiful pictures of the trip during this time, full-awesome, mayor dramatic skies, gusts of winds that make even the hardiest hippos duck for cover below water. And our little boat racing to stay ahead... and losing. Frame all of this with a sunset of epic proportions and, well, I was in heaven.

At around 18:15 or so we dock again and disembark, running to the vehicles. I just had a realisation that our tent is half open (because of that damned heat!) and we kind of left our washing et al outside. The Bullet roars over the dark red, bumpy dust road as big rain drops hammer the windshield. Still hot and humid though, and I drive with the windows open to smell that fresh wet earth and scents rolling off the Savannah. Mud is splashing everywhere by now and I engage 4x4 (smiling slightly. This is way too much fun).

We arrive at base camp to find it pretty much destroyed. Well, the gazebo is a heap of metal and tarp, the tents are still standing, barely. Amos (our day-shift guard) had very thoughtfully closed our tents and packed the perishables (which was under the gazebo) in a spot out of the rain, and out of harm. Still wearing my swimming shorts from earlier, I just remove my shirt and dive into the carnage. Lightning flashes in the distance (so, exactly how good of a lightning rod DOES a gazebo make??). The 3 other guys jump in and we raise the gazebo and start knock in pins. Also tie the guy ropes down and add more ropes to the joints to support it in this wind. Bring the vehicles closer to act as anchors. All done, and holding! Just in time for the storm to pass, and the rain to stop.

Typical.

But still fun!

We all laugh and thank Amos ever so much for helping us out. Interestingly, that fire pit was still going through all of this, and it takes no time flat to stoke it up all the way again. First, we re-organise everything into a working kitchen again and get going. Salad, lamb chops, rolled lamb (yum! Deboned lamb joint but rolled up into a tube) and braai rolls (kinda like the bread I baked last night, but rolls.) Delicious. Of course Amos gets some chow as well, as well as a handsome reward in cold hard cash.

Annelie is feeling much better still, after her second round of antibiotics. Walter doesn’t seem pleased.

Highlights: Witness the crash site of Ernest Hemmingway

Hippos! Crocs! Buffalo! Oh My!

Workin' on my killer tan

Annelie feeling better

[G & A], out

Taking my time

15 July, Day 32: To Murchison falls

Annelie is feeling better today, which is great. She slept a lot better too, we all did. The camp is up and ready to go by 09:00 and we head out to the Murchison falls National park.

And, it’s Marietta’s birthday today! Cheers and congrats all round. Marieke and Dirk hung flowers on Mattie and Marietta’s tent, and her birthday gift was a 2 Stoney Ginger beers (her favourite) wrapped in plastic with flowers. Very cool :)

Stop off at the shopping complex to buy lots of drinking water and pick up a new MTN simcard, which I can hopefully use for 3G access. On the road again!

TRAFFIC!! Oh my Lord, the Traffic. Grid lock, morning traffic, absolute bedlam and chaos. Bouda-Bouda’s overloaded with furniture stacked 2 meters high, sugarcanes, planks, people, you name it. Traffic wardens trying to direct it all, the 4 4x4’s (Powered by Souf Afrikan driving Vernuf) give as much as we get (that’s is, not a single inch!) in this madness). Fanie gets reproached by a traffic warden: “We drive in a single lane here!”. Clearly she needs to open her eyes a bit more, I see 4 lanes in this round about (which I have aptly renamed a “circus”, since that’s what they’re called in London, and it seems more fitting).

Slow going to get out of Kampala, but we make it eventually (not before a pit stop for Annelie). Off we go, with a sigh of relief. Beautiful fresh asphalt all the way and we cruise along at 120km/h. Then something strange happens. I radio over the 2-way about these strange white marks on the shoulder of the road, every 10 meters. Probably nothing, may be a construction artefact. A few kilometres further, we discover the answer. Speed bumps. Speed bumps, every 10 meters, without fail, for what was going to be 6 kilometres. WTF?

Ingenious, that’s what. As Dirk aptly put it: “Say what you want about these bumps... they WORK”. The intention was clearly to slow down traffic for the construction crews downstream. They really did work. But we were well tired of them after about 1 km!!

We eventually adopt a slalom technique, where we veer right to left, left to right to drive over the bumps diagonally. This worked out quite well, and we managed an even pace, other traffic notwithstanding.

Turn off the sexy asphalt onto a dirt road that’s a little worn by weather. Arrive at the gates to the park were we’re taken to town again, $210 per vehicle to enter, but we stay for 3 nights. Again they have issue with $100 US dollar notes with a series date of earlier than 2004. Again we argue that it’s legal tender. Again we get stonewalled. Again we have to swap them out for other currency.

Anecdote: when travelling Africa, exchange LOTS of US dollars, so you don’t run out like we did. And make sure they’re all of a series later than 2004. Unless, of course, you enjoy arguing with underpaid government officials...

Enter the park and we’re treated to a beautiful drive through thick forests creating a dense canopy over the bright red, dusty road. Starts to rain too, which makes it even more interesting and beautiful. See lots of baboons, warthogs and antelope.

We arrive at the Nile River Lodge (not to be confused with any of the other Nile river lodges around here). Mattie would like to stay in a lodge and treat Marietta on her birthday. No luck, all the lodges this and the other side of the Nile are fully booked. We arrive at the Red Chilli camp (yeah, it’s a franchise). No bars or Mosques or dogs around. Good start. Crappy camp site though. Speak to Andy, the manager about boat trips on the Nile and safaris etc, and book a sunset cruise to the falls tomorrow.

All done, we opt for the Nile River Lodge’s campsite. Nice grassy patch on a hill, 5 mins walk from the lodge (and use of the bar), with a staggering view of the Nile! But, it’s going to be very very hot up here, good reason to break out the gazebo I’ve been lugging around all this time. There is a shower and toilet off to one side, boxed in with green corrugated zinc sheets. Very... interesting.

Spot LOADS of hippos in the water and you can hear their calls all the while. There are 2 other campers here, their tent off to one side.

Our guard this evening, Sidilla who will be looking out for us tonight. Dirk and Marieke breaks out the deboned lamb joint for this evening’s meal, and I bake a 1KG beer bread. This takes about 2 hours to bake, since I used to bigger cast iron pot. Doh! No matter, we have the fresh bread with apricot jam as desert, and there’s a lot leftover for breakfast tomorrow. We share some with Sidilla. The 2 other campers arrive back, they’re from Sweden. I share some of our bread and jam with them too.

Off to bed, to the soothing sounds of Hippos, Fish Eagles and the Nile thundering in the distance.

Highlights: Beer bread!

This view!

Hippos!

[G & A], out

The wheels on the bus goes round and round

14 July, Day 31: One month and counting

Got Annelie some coffee and rusks in bed. She’s looking frazzled, didn’t get much sleep. Don’t blame her, the bar was loud till 23:40, the guards at the gate make a racket and the dogs... the DOGS! Incessant barking all night long. Coupled with this cacophony, Walter had Annelie running for the porcelain throughout. Oh, and our zip to our tent was broken, so it stood half open. I counted a grand total of (at least) 11 mosquitos in our tent this morning, all fat and well fed. Faaaaantastic. Fanie helped us out later on, pinched the zipper closed a bit with pliers. Good as new! But we were still chowed last night

Mattie is still man down, on some myprodols. Grab breakfast and a quick shower. Mattie and Dirk are off to town to get the Ford checked out. Annelie and I head to town and take a LEFT at the only traffic light in town, instead of the right we took yesterday. Arrive at a fully decked out shopping complex, with a Shoprite, Game, MTN, 3 banks, 2 foreign exchanges, fuel stops etc etc. And, a chemist. Annelie decided to skip go and head to the chemist instead, since she knows what’s up. Explains the symptoms to the chemist and gets the required antibiotics. Apparently, Walter can make a comeback tour again and again. If that happens, she’ll need intravenous injections for 21 days straight to clear Walter out. Problem, since we won’t be stationary in one place for 21 days. And I hate injections, both receiving and administrating. Let’s hope this round evicts our squatter for good.

Off to game, huge! Stroll around, buy Fritos chips and water so Annelie can start eat something and start taking her meds immediately. Do some shopping for supplies. Check out the tents in the back, our zipper broke last night! So the tent won’t close entirely, not good for keeping mosquitoes out.

Draw money, grab a few things from Shoprite and head back to camp. Go laze by the pool in the sun (its soooo hot!) and my best to keep cool. Everyone is kinda doing the same thing. I hang out at the bar area for the free wifi, but it’s SLOOOOOOOOOOW. Lots of tropical rains in the afternoon, we had a flash shower just after we arrived yesterday. Today was a few drops. They have these super comfortable wicker chairs that you can lounge on. Great for comfort. Not so great because their full of fleas! Courtesy of the dog and numerous goats and chickens cruising the yard. I get bitten lots of time, 7 times around my left elbow by the time the shooting stops.

We have a guest tonight, Geriesa from the Netherlands. She’s on tour here through Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania and Zanzibar. She’s doing the river rafting thing tomorrow so we have lots to talk about. Mattie is up back to his old self again, whiskey in hand. Dirk swears by his muti (that’s African witchcraft), so whisky it is! I setup the laptop and show the others our video. Share some food and hospitality before we’re all off to bed. Check in on Annelie, still a bit shaky. That’s a wrap for today. Tomorrow it’s off to Murchison falls.

Anecdote: we’ve been on the road for a month!

Highlights: We’ve been on the road for a month!

[G & A-Moeba], out

The best of you

13 July, Day 30: Kampala

Slept very well, dreamt of seahorses and unicorns. And raptors. They cannot be trusted! Kicked out of bed earlier than usual, checked on the bullet, which was parked next to the ablution block. They have a power socket right there in the men’s bathroom, and I had a black extension cord snaking out of it into the cabin to keep the fridge running (better to ask forgiveness than permission). I befriended one of the cleaning staff, an elderly gentlemen named Bobbo yesterday and mentioned that I need to keep the power plugged in. He said he’ll make sure it does, and true to his word, it was still hooked up. They use the dame plug for cleaning etc. Later on we rewarded him with a few thousand shillings and 3 pairs of clothes from Annelie’s stash, for his granddaughters :)

Fanie’s birthday today! Congrats and pics. Coffee, breakfast at a little shop just outside the gate. A breakfast chapatti with egg, avo and onions, DELICIOUS! On the road again by 09:15 or so, we’ll be heading out the capital today, Kampala. The road takes us along v very much the same route as yesterday morning to the backpackers lodge, and over the dam spanning this part of the Nile river. I ask Annelie to take a pic of the “Nile River sign”. What I didn’t notice where the military personnel chilling underneath it!!!

We are flagged down and interrogated. I explain with zeal that it was an honest mistake, we’re dumb tourists from Cape Town and we just wanted a pic of the sign. We show the pics and are forced to delete them. We apologise again but still, we have to reverse for further questioning. I radio to the others that we may be delayed a bit. 10 minutes of more reviewing all the pics on my point-and-click, deleting anything that may look like sensitive info and getting another lecture we are finally allowed to continue.

Phew.

And DOH!

Comparatively the rest of the day’s driving was uneventful. We reach Kampala about 2 hours later and it’s quite clear from the offset that the city is quite mad. Kampala traffic makes Arusha look well planned, organised and streamlined! Lots of little streams of the side of the road, where truck drivers and motorcyclists (bouda-bouda’s, motorbike taxis) have parked their vehicles right in the middle of it for a car wash. The city is staggeringly huge, with rolling hills packed with houses. Marieke mentions that back in the day it was called the city of seven hills. I counted more, but that should give you an idea. Pass the Mandela stadium off to the right. Roll past more shops and houses perched on very unstable looking mounds of dirt. Eventually pull into the Red Chilli camp site. It’s another back packers lodge cum campsite, but it looks less busy here. We decide it’s as good a place as any and setup shop near the gate. A few hours later we realise the error of our ways: there’s a bar right across the road. The others are quite sleep deprived at this point, but Mattie speaks to the bar / restaurant owner and he assures us it will only be noisy till 22:00. Dogs. Lots of barking dogs. Again. No sleep in Uganda, it would seem.

More bad news. Mattie is feeling feverish again, cold sweats etc. May be malaria again, but he reckons it’s food poisoning. We think it’s a simple combo of dehydration, over exposure to the sun and lack of sleep. Nevertheless, he takes a time out. Later we decide we may as well stay here another day, so he can recover and we can all take a load off. The vehicles need attention too, the Ford needs new shocks, the Colt needs a new timing chain, the Toyota needs new oil. We were going to grab a bite to eat at a restaurant, but given Mattie’s condition, we’ll just braai here instead.

Annelie and I take the Bullet for a spin around town, after asking a guide that dropped some folks off at the camp site for directions. We get it wrong and get lost somewhere in some industrial area. The traffic!! THE TRAFFIC!! And the half meter deep potholes! Reminds us of the killer rapids we faced-off yesterday. Man, it’s beyond belief. And when we try to make a u-turn, we find the way back closed off and on detour. Lost in Kampala without a GPS. Or map. Swell.

Good thing I noticed a few landmarks, the Mandela Stadium being a right big one. This time we pass in front of it, so we know we’re going in the right general direction. More landmarks, schools, shanty shacks gives us clues. We locate the campsite shortly before 17:00 and decide to call it a day.

Back at the camp, Mattie is still chilling. Annelie starts feeling that same ol feeling. Walter, the Amoeba, is back. And he’s inviting all his bestest friends north of the colon for a killer banquet in Annelie’s gut. She’s feeling both nauseous and runny at the same time. Walter is back with a vengeance.

Food was great, lamb chops we bought in Karen with salad I had to make (since Annelie was down and out, and drained).

Anecdote: I make fantastic salad.

Back to the hospital tomorrow.

Highlights: NOT being arrested by Ugandan military!

[G & A-Moeba Walter], out

I need a little room to breath

12 July, Day 29: let's get wet

No sleep. None. Nada. Nie eers ‘n bietjie nie.

The catch with a backpackers lodge is that it’s generally expected. The assholes kept playing LOUD obnoxious music till 6 o’clock in the morning. I got up at 04:00 to take a leak and to check it out, and there was a grand total of 7 people there: 2 blonde chicks and 5 guys. I took stock of the situation rather quickly and decided that the reason the entire camp was losing sleep was entirely down to the 2 chicks who wouldn’t just go to bed, with or without one of the cavemen trying to score. Remove the blondes, and the whole party will collapse. On the other side, some guys just can’t get their shit together. Close the deal or call it a night, if you’re STILL trying to score by 04:00 (hell, by 01:00) it’s not going to happen.

Meh.

So. No sleep. On a day I would have really liked to have some. Wake up bleary eyed. I take solace in the fact that at least one of those idiots are hanging out their asses today.

Coffee and rusks jala-jala, grab my jacket (for in case it’s hella cold when we get back), sunscreen, rocking my swimming trunks (leave the banana hammock in the tent. Uganda is not ready for its glory) and head to the truck. Everyone piles in and transported to the other backpackers lodge for breakfast. Quite a good setup they have, hard boiled eggs, chapattis, toast, butter, jams, honey, coffee, bananas. Bees everywhere, as in, IN the honey and jam. That’s really fresh honey! I make another banana-jam chapatti and try to store up enough energy for our 30 KM, all day long boogie down the Nile. Luke and the Danish babes (Sanne and Kathrine, NOT Sienna and Catherine as I spelt it yesterday) are there and join us at the table. We also meet 2 lads from London, Paddy and Tom. They’re doing some interesting shit out here! Basically it’s a bicycle powered cinema they trek around the country and have viewings at various villages and so forth. I later found out that they started with a similar thing back in London, where they cut the power and the whole club is powered by the patrons, peddling about 6 bikes. They stop, and the music dies. Pretty awesome, checkit: www.CitiesInTheDark.com. Tom is doing a documentary about it all. I also found out later that they’ve covered quite a few interesting events in Kenya (was it Kenya?) like a bike race. Funny story, I should tell you sometime...

Anyhoo, we chat more about what to expect today. Annelie and I watched the video of yesterdays group at the bar/lounge last night and... ja. It’s gonna be wild.

One of the guides calls us to the grassy area and gives us the run down. Gear around the corner, no loose items, expect to get wet (duh), sunscreen, sunscreen, and sunscreen, make sure you sign your indemnity form etc.

Grab a life jacket and nipple-pink helmet. Lather on another layer of sunscreen, the sun is already out and ferocious! Ons gan lekker kak vandag. Back on the trucks and busses, take off the life jacket and helmet cus it’s blistering hot and we’re off. We travel over a dam and then into some more rural villages and dust roads for about half an hour before we arrive at the launch point. Lots of activity there already, with more trucks towing the inflatable’s arriving in waves. I kept feeling like I was in the way! If it wasn’t an inflatable dropping on my head I was getting run over by huge rafts with legs. Bunch of local present too, doing their washing in the river. I’m sure they’ve seen this exercise countless times: the guides shouting out instructions, rafts being inflated and deployed and lots of white people with more money than sense or brains looking both excited and nervous at the same time.

We’re told that we need to make groups of seven, and as luck would have it, we were! Annelie, me, the other Souf Afrikan, 2 Danish babes and the London Massive. Instructions are to find our guide, Paulo and report for duty. Off we go. I try and organise a team name for us. Nobody likes “Chocolate Puma”. I call us “Chocolate Puma” for the rest of the day anyway.

Paulo was born in Jinja (probably in the Nile, I comment. He agrees). He’s such a cool laid back Ugandan, super dry sense of humour and a damn good guide at the end of it all. He takes us through the motions, the various commands he may use, like :

“hard left / hard right” - everyone on the left / right side of the boat

“get down” – stand upright and do the Robot, or any other sweet, sweet ass disco you can manage. Kidding, it means get your ass in the boat, and hold on for dear life

“Lean in” – grab the rope, paddle locked between your arm, side of boat and lap (as to not whack yourself / someone else with it) and lean to the centre of the boat

“Take a breath” – we’re going under, inhale

Forward – all paddle forward

Backward – all paddle backward

Left forward, right backward / right forward, left backward - ...

Hard forward – give it horns! No no, keep both hands on the paddle, just paddle really hard (and still do horns, for extra points)

Stop – stop (now, what’s that sound, everybody look what’s going down. Yeah, EVERYTIME that song played in my head)

Run through these commands a few times. We’re spread out evenly over the boat, 2 front, 4 middle and 2 back. Paulo does the steering. The boat gets flipped deliberately so we can get a feel for it. We spend some time underneath the flipped boat just to see it’s perfectly safe, boat gets flipped back while we hold on to it (so we duck underneath the flipping flipped boat, popping out the other side.). Get a few rounds of practice getting back into the boat, how to help someone get in the boat, how to work the entertainment centre, order chicken or beef. We also learn about the kayak support team. These guys are super quick in the water and they’ll be the guys saving your bacon in the event of an emergency. We are shown how to hang on to the front and the back (if you hang on the back, you must help propel the kayak by kicking).

Before long we’re all off, all 88 of us cruising down our first rapid! A mere grade 2, nothing hectic at all. Fun! The next rapid is a grade two which we bail out and swim through, just to feel what that feels like. MORE fun! I’m beginning to think I may just swim the Nile instead.

Back in the boat and we find our first grade 4, which is the rapid I spent some time with swimming yesterday, at our camp site. We pretty much nailed it, but it was a bit rougher than the grade 2’s. Cheers all round and everyone feels much more confident about doing this thing. Go Chocolate Puma! (still doesn’t catch on). Rib Cage was next, so named due to the shallow rocks lurking underneath. This is exactly the reason that, when you’re inside the boat that you should kneel, since rocks can hit us from below. Ideally, you’d want to stay in the boat for this one, and fortunately we do.

Time for the training wheels to come off. Our first big grade 5 of the day: Bujagall Falls. Lots of shallow rock and a backwash that will strip the white from your teeth. No worries, we totally own that shit.

before we get to a biggie: 50/50. So called, since there is a 50/50 chance we’ll flip. Feeling very confident in our river mastery, we boldly give it horns. And flip the bejeezes out of the boat! In the drink we go (just chill, don’t fight it, wait for the life jacket to pop you back up). I laugh my ass off. This is really so much fun!

A few little rapids in between, total gunga and surf city before we hit our first grade 5 of the day: Silverback! Just like the gorilla, this is one big hairy mother. Before each rapid we all park off in little eddies or capes, outside the current to wait for the videographer and support boats and Kayaks to get into position. During this time Paulo goes through how we are going to approach a particular rapid and what to expect. Things like, should you fall out, try to stay with the boat. In other cases he advises that you get away from the boat as quickly as you can, and so on.

The other boats make a circuit and approach Silverback, one by one. We go “ooooo!” and “oooow!!” and “should he’s leg bend that way??” as we wait our turn. A few boats make it with flair. Another note about some of the bigger rapids: they usually have 2 or 3 approaches. So they can be sub rated as a 4 and 5, for instance, depending on the route we take. We opt for maximum carnage!

Off we go, “Hard forward”, HARD FORWARD, GET DOWN! My stomach sticks in my throat as we’re plunged 2 meters into a torrent of white water, filling the raft instantly. White knuckle grip on the rope, everybody is screaming. Somewhere in the distance I hear a maniacle laughter, and realise it’s me!

About 2 hours later we clear the rapid, in one piece and floating! W00t! (I watched the video afterwards, it was more like 10 seconds. Time is relative when a ton of water is trying to kill you).

In between fighting for air and screaming like little girls, we paddle to the next bad boy, Jaws. I don’t recall it being a especially tough one, but the same sequence of events apply: stop, have a chat, line em up, into the grinder, sink / swim, full joy.

In between the carnage, there are 2 lull periods of gentle paddling and just floating down stream. These little interludes are partly due to the new hydro electric dam being constructed, so the flow of the Nile has been altered. The sun is blazingly hot, so these respites are a perfect opportunity to re-lather with the sun cream and take a little splash off the boat. Also a good time to get to know your neighbours and we make chit chat about this and that. Oh, and it’s also cheesy joke telling time! Paulo has a wide repertoire of both PG and filthy cheesy numbers and coupled with his dry soft spoken Ugandan demeanour provides ample in flight entertainment.

Over lunch time we dock with the support boats, each with one oarsman. To see these guys in action is a marvel in itself. They stand upright in a inflatable that’s almost double ours and row with these massive wooden oars. To watch them fly over the rapids with such non chalant grace is a real treat. Lunch is a light affair of a quarter pineapple with glucose bisquits (that’s how I say “biscuits”). They chop pineapples in quarters, slice them along the skin and chop the quarter into about 7 pieces. The pineapples where sugar-sweet, right from the husk. Also took some time to drink water (not like we needed MORE) which is tied to the back of our raft.

“Forward”. Lots more fun to be had. The yellow make a line for the shore, they’re on half-day rides.

Retrospect , Bubogo, Itanda falls, followed by Bad place (also known as Kalagala falls). It doesn’t take an expert to figure out why it’s called “Bad Place”.

Vengeance, Hair of the dog, Kula shaker and Nile special are next (little lull and more paddling in between).

And then, Other Place.

The big boy, the grade 6 and last rapid of our journey. I’m really struggling with the words to try and describe the sheer malice and power of this thing. You have rapids in rapids folding onto waves of white water 3 meters high. This is after you’ve plunged 2 meters off a waterfall, of more violent water of a river that will (WILL!) kill you if you attempt it. We approach the death trap with caution and paddle “HARD FOWARD” towards a rocky outcropping off to the right where we disembark and walk around the first 100m of the “Other Place”. You can’t hear the person next to you without screaming at them, the roar is deafening. I think my mouth must have hung open at some stage, because I swallowed a bug. For our last test we will be rafting the final stretch of this long violent rapid.

It will consist of 2 parts, a hard forward before a get down into the first wave, that drops us about a meter into a backwash of white foam. If we make that, we’re in for a treat: another hard HARD paddle into the next 2 meter drop and hopefully a clean exit out of the maelstrom. Expect a breath-in because we will take on a ton of water. If you fall out, get away from the boat and safety. And enjoy your swim.

Other helpers have carried our boats across the DMZ to where we can launch again. We watch 3 other groups go first. One makes it, two bug out on the first drop. Kayakers have their hands full mopping up victims. Here we go!

HARD FORWARD!! STOP! GET DOWN! (at least, that’s what I think Paulo said, I couldn’t hear shit over the deafening roar!). My stomach gets caught somewhere in the tonsil region and I can barely get a “W00t!” out as the raft grabs some serious airtime before slamming into a 2 meter wave going the OPPOSITE direction!

Pause... (in mid whimper)

Anecdote: it is inconceivable that water can flow violently in BOTH directions at the same time. I ponder this as a cling white knuckle to the rope secured to the raft. The only object keeping my soft, tender meat sack away from the Aqua-Grinder outside the raft!

Play...

Down we go, water in the boat (which is a good thing, gives us more stability) and we cling on for dear life. Screams, I think. Few seconds later we’re out and everyone is still here. HARD FORWARD again, GET DOWN for the big one. UP and PLUNGE down. Then something goes wrong. We’re still here! I mean, sure, we’re still here, but I mean we’re STUCK in the rapid! Smack bam in the middle and being shaken like a kitten by a pit-bull. Screams. “HANG ON!” The raft is caught in the opposing forces of two very, very strong waves, momentum pushing us into the left, then slamming us into the right. Wash, rinse, repeat. And again. And again. I get knocked halfway out of the boat, manage to hook one leg back in. I ditch my paddle and cling onto the rope with both hands. Screams, horror (we’re not moving out of it!!). I consider maybe ditching the boat and flushing out to safety. I get knocked halfway out and back into the boat again. I quickly scratch that idea. More and more momentum, more water. More screams. The raft starts tearing apart, the middle supports coming right out. That’s when the raft folds up like a clam shell and Annelie pops out. I notice this almost immediately, but can’t do anything about it. Something in that folding action must have granted us enough momentum to crest the wave that kept us in limbo, because a few seconds later we’re out and over. And exhausted.

I scan around franticly and see Annelie’s yellow helmet bobbing above water, legs curled around the nose of a canary yellow kayak, and safe. She looks winded and very shaken, but conscious. We make eye contact and I make a fist sign above my helmet (are you ok??). She replies with a fist above her helmet.

Phew.

Cheers and laughter! LOTS of cheers and laughter. Still worried about Annelie, but I reconfirm that she’s ok. We pick up a few stragglers that were thrown from other boats and they help us paddle upstream to shore.

Meet up with Annelie, shame, she really took a beating. Thought she was drowning at one stage, but that she remembered what Paulo said, in that don’t fight it, just relax and wait for the life jacket to pop you back up. Good advice. I give her a hug while she chokes back tears. We share a moment before heading up the hill to the busses and trucks waiting for us. Catch up with the others, Mattie, Dirk and Fanie. They had a great time. Dirk’s patent to keep his glasses on his face worked beautifully.

Load up and agree to meet the others for that killer BBQ waiting for us at the camp site. Arrive back at NRE and dish up: spit braai lamb, dices of lamb, rolls, pastas, sauces you name it! Get some Nile beer and park off for a chow down. Man, best ,meal ever. Luke, Sanne, Cat, Paddy and Tom join us and we laugh and joke about the day. And what a fantastic day it was. Finish up and hit the showers, agree to meet back at the bar before 21:00, when our video will be shown. Later on, I grab my book and get everyone’s details. More drinks and lots of interesting conversations. Sanne and Kathrine may be in Zanzibar around the time we’ll be there, so we agree to meet up. More drinks, feeling tired!

At 21:10 we cosy up in the lounge area to watch our movie. Lots of “oooows!” and “aaaahs!” and cat calls as we get a third person perspective of the day’s events. Goosebumps. Last rapid, that bad bad “Other Place”. I reset my tachymeter and begin timing as we enter the 2^nd part, tastefully overlaid with Foo Fighter’s “All my life” (I think it’s called “All my Life”, I forget).

1 Minute, 6 seconds.

I lose the bet, I thought it was 30 seconds. Way out! Lots of WHOOP-WHOOPS all round!! Best part of the whole damn video, I tell ya! I shovel out the $30 and buy the unlabelled DVD on the spot.

As an aside, it was such a shame I couldn’t take a camera. SO many good pictures out here out there on the water, of huge fish eagles swooping down to catch their prey (distant calls echoing off the water), impossibly beautiful vistas, storm clouds rolling in, king fishers... etc. In the same breath, it would be impossible to truly capture the majesty of everything we saw today. I am truly humbled by the Nile’s beauty, and violence.

Tonight we close the bar, staying behind with the London guys (the others have all made off to bed, we say our goodbyes and good lucks). Whiskey, whiskey and more whiskey before we call it a night at 02:00 and bid the two dynamic Britons a good night.

Got my iPod out, since tonight there is a huge party at the bar down the road, next to the camp site. Don’t care, I’ll be sleeping like an absolute baby tonight.

Linkage, for a gallery and info, since I didn’t have my camera on me (damn shame, but it would have been ruined): http://www.raftafrica.com/rafting.htm. I’ll have to show you the video when we get back to civilisation. :)

Highlights: Experiencing the world’s best white river rafting!

Not killing ourselves!

Feeling the weight of history and awesome beauty of the Nile river.

[G & A], out

All my life I’ve been looking for something.