8 August, Day 56: Zambia 3000

Today we’re having our very own Gumball 3000 across Zambia. We’re making good progress though, but we have at least 900 km’s to kill to get to Lusaka.

The day starts quite early, 07:15. Only, it’s NOT 07:15! I wake up, peek outside and see that the moon (which was full, and glorious) was still quite high in the sky. From the murmurings coming from Mattie’s tent I gather that Fanie got it totally wrong, the time zone is NOT an hour later, but an hour earlier. So it was a crisp, bright and early 05:15. I go take a leak and snuggle back into my nest. Annelie didn’t even stir.

At 09:00 (so 07:00) I wake up again and get some coffee going; treat Annelie to coffee and the last crumbs of our rusk supply. Pack up and get loaded up, set all the clocks in the car, cell phone and watch back by 2 hours and officially we’re on our way at 07:52. Very good going for a while before the road degrades into something resembling a quarry. So much so that entire 20 meter bits of it has a bypass road next to it. I muse how trucks manage to cross these insane potholes.

Just before noon we get pulled over by a overzealous traffic official. Unfortunately Marietta wasn’t wearing her seatbelt and we’re ordered to park. They make a call to play hardball with the traffic wardens, bad move. They basically want to through her in jail, they ask me to produce our triangles and all sorts of rubbish. Long long story short, and about an hour later, Mattie relaxes the very tense wardens and greases a palm with 20 000 Kwachas (about R40, or £2.50). He is reprimanded and advised that “you should be humble” when pulled over. Gritted teeth thanks. Man... telling you.

Park off a few km’s further for lunch, make jokes about jailbirds.

The roads improve exponentially with ice smooth asphalt and we race on at a very good pace. Also, being Saturday, there are almost no cars or trucks on the road. The first “inn” we check out is a roach and lice motel, so we head to another place called Loza guesthouse. Very nice place, over priced for what you get. But we negotiate a better price with the Dutch owner. There is a very nice bar area which we go sit in to watch the last 20 minutes of the Tri-nations game between South Africa and Australia, SA wins. Good times.

More info from the stragglers, the car started and ran for a bit but made a weird noisy. Another SMS later noted that they’re back to towing the Colt. They did manage to secure a proper tow bar from a truck driver at the border. I recommended that they check and recheck what the traffic laws of Zambia have to say about towing a vehicle. I can only imagine those very same traffic officials that stopped us with a huge grin on his face as the Toyota and Colt approach. Pay day has arrived...

How the heck are they going to cope with the quarries we had to duck and dive?? Time will tell, stay tuned.

Have a very pleasant dinner, steak for a change. Loza has their very own butchery on site and the meat is fantastic. Not the best I’ve had, but compared to the tired old Maasai cattle meat we’ve been eating, it’s heaven. Good wine to wash it down. Also my mother in law’s birthday today, so baie geluk Ma! Xx

Sleeping in a bit tomorrow since we’re quite ahead of schedule.

Highlights: Good steak

The Bokke beating Oz

[G & A], out

Hooray for promises

7 August, Day 55: Timing is everything

Left camp just after 08:30. Checked brake fluid last night, filled it up to the max, seems to be holding today. Right rear tire was a little deflated when we checked it, also not a biggie. Find a fuel stop just a few meters on from where the entrance to the camp was and fill up the Bullet.

Heading out to Mbeya again (yeah, that was where Mattie was diagnosed with Malaria and we had to sleep at the Greenview or whatever site with the Minaret RIGHT next to us). Fanie and Dirk are at a Toyota garage a few KM’s out looking at Fanies timing chain predicament.

Schools in: a timing chain is the bit that syncs the cam and crank shaft, i.e. the valves and the pistons inside the engine. So what should happen is the valve at the top of the combustion chamber opens up to fill the chamber with fuel and oxygen while the piston is in the bottom position. As the piston moves up, the valve closes again, sealing the chamber and the spark plug ignites the mix, sending the piston back down again. This up-down motion needs to be synchronised so that the piston doesn’t end up going right through the valve at the top, or that combustion doesn’t occur while the chamber is open. So, if you lose the timing chain at speed, well, bad things can happen, mkay?

They did manage to buy a new timing chain yesterday, but we have no feedback as to how it’s going. We push on past a few police checkpoints, we’re asked to produce some papers and so on, no biggie. Then Mattie is pulled over for “passing on a solid line”, just like everybody else does. But road laws seem to especially apply to foreigners. He asks what the fine is, officer says 40 000 TSH, Mattie says that’s too much, he’s asked how much money her has, he says 10 000, officer accepts, asks “no receipt?”, Mattie replies of course not, smiling officer sticks money in breast pocket and wishes him a safe journey, and “hope to see you again”. Mattie laughs and says he hopes NOT, since it’s too expensive. Officer laughs and off we go.

Round noon we make a pitstop for lunch, pasta left overs and I make myself some 2 minute noodles for later (dunno why, I had as hankering for 2 minute noodles). As we’re having lunch in the sun and out of the wind I look down and notice that we are literally sitting on a pile of money! Torn and shredded 5000 and 10 000 TSH notes litter the area. The 10 000 notes have been shredded the finest, while the 5000 notes where torn meticulously but in random sized bits. Further exploration reveals more shredded money, under our cars and further down the pathway we’ve made our lunch hall. The plot thickens. I’d have to guess that there must have been well over 2 000 000 of the things discarded here. So what’s the story? Fake money, someone had to ditch out of site? Drug money? Were ninjas involved? How much does bacon weigh at the equator anyway? These where all valid and pertinent questions. But I fear we’ll never know. I snap pics for forensic purposes.

On our way again. An hour or so later we reach Mbeya and the Toyota garage, drive past the Toyota garage, Annelie asks: “isn’t that the Toyota garage they’re at?”, we turn around and head back to the Toyota garage and find the rest of the gang camping behind the service centre. Greets and hellos all round, Fanie’s Colt has been gutted and various bits of 3 litre engine scattered around the garage. This is the third attempt to re-assemble it, we’re told. Oh, and that timing belt they got was for an Isuzu and they had to take a few links out to make it fit the Colt. Mmmmm. But word has it the car did start and seems to be ok, miraculously.

Long story short, but the original plan was that while we were in Zanzibar they were going to buy food and supplies for the Kariba boat trip. So now we will be swopping roles while they wait on the injured Colt. We get the shopping list and go over the items and also take an opportunity to blow out the ait filters again on a real compressor. We agree on a new plan in that the mobile crew will continue on to the border, push through into Zambia and onward to Lusaka where there is a big shopping complex (we made a call there way back at the beginning of the tour too). Say our goodbyes, draw some dosh from the ATM next door and bail at about 15:20.

The border on the Tanzanian side was very efficient and we clear customs and immigration in no time. Also take an opportunity at the forex to exchange the shillings for Kwachas.

Bye bye Tanzania!

The Zambian side is another matter all together. I’ve not entered Zambia with a vehicle before, last time we arrived was in Zimbabwe and we just walked across. Man, what a mission this is.

Deep breath: Do the immigration bit, go over with the Carnets to a little office at the gate for a signature (??, she doesn’t even look at the stuff), back to another office where a very kind lady explains everything we need to do, to another office to pay “carbon tax” of 150 000 Kwachas per vehicle (that’s about R300, or say £25), we then realise we already have papers for Carbon tax that only expires on the 31^st of December, go to get refund, nada, have to speak to big chief, speak to big chief who is HUGE and has a voice like James Earl Jones (“this...is CNN), I tell him so and suggest he goes into commercials, he laughs but we still need to pay the carbon tax, since we left the country, and it doesn’t matter that we’ll be in the country a grand total of 4 days, back outside to pay a road tax or some shit, back past the gate and the aggressive guys “guarding” our vehicles (even though the woman are sitting INSIDE the cars), find a little building on the other side of the border to pay a “council levy” of another 15 000 Kwachas (for the honour of driving through the rat hole town on the other side of the fence), back to the cars and almost out, but not before aggressive “guards” want payment for their services, start to drive and I’m stopped by a “traffic control” person who now wants to find me for driving “without his permission” and “for not wearing a seatbelt” when all I was doing is moving out of the way for Mattie, orders me to park the vehicle and starts writing me a ticket, I apologise through gritted teeth because I would really, really enjoy punching this fucknut through the skull right now, lots of trucks make chaos and a soldier with a large rifle orders me to move, the “traffic dickwad” complains that I violated some law or whatever, the soldier laughs, calms him down and orders me to move (guy with rifle ALWAYS supersedes meat-bag with attitude problem) and we’re off.

Breath out...

Good thing I drew too much money at the ATM in Tanzania, because I was now cleared out of Kwachas! A short while later we’re pulled over by a military check point and asked to [produce our carbon tax and “papers”. We do so, and are free to go. Not sure if he even looked at it, but again, big gun... so.

We adjust all our clocks for Zambian time, an hour later. Past the checkpoint we make a quick stop just to grab a quick bite (left over bread from last night, damn I’m good!) and have a drink to clear the dust and garbage from our throats. I’m really getting tired of border crossings, I was standing in the line for the carbon tax and a BIG louse was walking on the little paper I was holding. Like, the biggest louse I’ve ever seen. Man...

We aim for the Kings Highway camp and arrive there at 19:00. Not really a camp site but the Afrikaans speaking girl that manages it reckons we can camp anyway. They have some sort of training facility here too (very common for these campsites, it would seem). I later found out Tania is also a pre-school teacher and that she and another woman teach the local kids.

There is a very nice kitchen area here but it’s quite late and dark already. We’re still stretching our food so tonight I’m making my world famous Chilli Con Carne, with the small packet of frozen solid mince. I still have all the ingredients to make something work and damn, I have to say, it’s the best con carne I’ve ever made! Annelie even says so, and she is famously critical of it if it’s too hot or soggy or whatever. This batch was perfect and we eat like Kings and Queens (see what I did there?). For desert I break out the left over chocolate fudge brownies I made for the Mara, slice them good like, cover in crushed cashews and Amarula. Yum!

After clearing up and packing away everybody tucks in, I spend a few hours chatting with Tania about the camp and what they do here. They farm with lots of vegetables, goats (she has 7, 3 are pregnant) and they’re looking into making bio fuels. The run a school on site for the village and they help out with various village affairs (plenty!). She’s had malaria about 7 times and wrestled with an amoeba of her own. Some of the little kids, no more than 4 years old have had malaria 15 times! Hectic. So it was cool to get a little inside track on life out here, as well as the fire ants, black mambas and other critters they have to contend with.

Head off to bed at 01:00 in the morning and tuck in.

Highlights: Simple one, really: damn good food!

[G & A], out

Not very good at pursuing redemption

6 August, Day 54: funny thing happened to the ferry today...

Wake up early, first because of the prayer calls, then from the hustle in the camp. I think it’s unfair that the prayer call is a recording, I think that if the deal is to have it at 05:00 that it should be LIVE!

Anyways, whatever. Wake up, make breakfast and as we are enjoying our cold milk with cereal we hear a blunt sounding *thud* *thud* *thud thud thud* sound. I kind of sounded like the noon gun in Cape Town, not unlike canons being fired. After each *thud* we can hear a loud cheering sound. Then we realise it’s not cheering but something else. At any rate, a general excitement. More *thuds* follow at random intervals. We postulate that it may be a parade or something, since we think we say a old busted battleship in the harbour. More *thuds*, more noise from a large crown, this carries on for at least 10 minutes. What is a bit concerning is that the Maasai guards are a little unsure and alert to any apparent danger.

So we finish packing up and get going at about 08:00, hang a right at the camp gate and as we approach the dock we see quite a few fire trucks. The road ahead is charred black and army personnel are turning back traffic. We make a U-turn and I spy the source of the *thuds*: an entire shop and storage cage packed to the rafters with gas canisters exploded! They must have just gotten the fire under control, because everything was smouldering still, shards of canister strewn everywhere. Now I’m no expert, but I reckon somebody messed up.

We are re-directed around the block and stand dead still in traffic. Marietta asks a local man what happened and he mentions that at least one person died and many are injured (this is just one man’s account though. But if you Google gas explosion in Tanzania or Dar Es Salaam, it may have made news somewhere)

We decide that this is going nowhere and take the long way around, adding another 45 minutes slice to the days already long drive. More bad roads and crappy traffic and we hit it all in peak. As I mentioned before, the traffic lights here generally indicate not so much that it’s your turn to drive but more like when you can start pushing in. So we do. Balls of steel man.

The next few days we need to cover about 2500 km’s to get all the way to Zimbabwe for the Lake Kariba boat trip. This is new on the schedule, btw. Remember that we where gonna do Mozambique? Yeah, that’s not happening anymore, too much uncertainty and doubt with regards to the ferries and so on. So we’re skipping the whole country and organised the house boat. It’s 4 days of more sitting on our arses and being served by chefs. Sounds like fun.

I notice that the brake fluid light comes on and stays on. Stop at a garage to buy some more and later on found it to be quite low. Weird. Will need to monitor it. Once we clear the city the rest of the road is quite uneventful. In between all of this we get an SMS from Fanie, reports that his “timing chain has broken” and if we can buy a new one in Iringa. They’ll tow the Colt to the next town which is Mbeya. We don’t hear anything more from them and no one replies to our sms’s...

We eventually reach Riverside Camp just as our low fuel light flares up. Mattie filled in at a station a few KMs before, but the pumps are so slow here we opted to head on and find another one, but where surprised to find that we had already reached our destination! That was a quick days driving, or it felt like it.

The camp isn’t bad, lots of 18 year olds on some kind of mission mission. There is a Kiswahili school here too, teaching young and old alike Swahili. We setup camp and make some chow, tuna pasta and I bake some bread. We’re still on rations or whatever we had left before we went to Zanzibar so we’re making the best of it. There aren’t any shops for a good couple of days, so we’ll stretch best we can. We won’t stave, heavens no! But we have our standards, damnit.

Highlights: Well gee, I’d say NOT being blown to bits while queuing up in the road to board a ferry, wouldn’t you??

The tuna pasta was marvellous, just fantastic. One could even say... DELICIOUS!

[G & A], out

With my mind of my money and my money on my mind

5 August, Day 53: The vomit comet

Early rise today, pack as best we can and head to breakfast. Finish up and check out, say cheers to Qin and Tian. Apparently their dolphin experience was way better than ours, the key was going out earlier. Oh well. We agree to meet them on the 13:00 ferry. Chollo sent a friend with a minibus for our taxi and it’s a smooth comfortable ride to the dock. Get our tickets and park off at Mercury’s around the corner (we kinda like the place, ok). Pizza was rubbish though, tasteless. Take one last look at the stunning view and move to board the ferry.

The sea is still very rough as we disembark, so much so that they hand everyone sick bags about 30 minutes into the journey. Qin and Tian made it, barely. Movie on TV was Congo, a fantastically stupid 90’s movie with that guy that plays in Nip/Tuck as the goody-two-shoes doctor. Lots of folks lose their lunch in the short 2 hour trip.

Bye Bye Zanzibar!

Arrive at Dar docks and it’s the same chaos again to unload the passengers and baggage. Porters, standing 4 miles deep wait with bated breath to board to “help” people unload their bags. They’re hold at bay by a steward. The porters remind me of the vultures we saw in the Mara, salivating over the fresh Wildebeest carcass. Once about half the people are off the boat they’re allowed access and they swarm onboard. I stand casually to one side and wait for them to clear all the other bags before I can get to mine, way in the back of the pile. I do so with the finesse of a champion weightlifter. Jerk and lift, yo.

On the way to the exit we negotiate a taxi on the fly and get a good deal back to Makadi camp. The Chinese chicks bailed, Tian was feeling motion sick and couldn’t handle the bobbing of the boats in the harbour. We’ll catch them later, I hope.

The trip back to the camp is quite quick, since as we arrive a smaller ferry is already offloading. In no time we’re on the other side and at the camp. The cars are still here and squeaky clean! I can even see the rims on the Bullet, super stoked he didn’t wash the mud off the spare on the roof. Unfortunately, the batteries (yes, plural) where dead. Dead like disco. Yeah, I did unplug and switch off everything, so I dunno. Jumper leads come out and away we go. We’ll put it on a battery charger tonight.

Setup tents, actually feels good to camp again. Go for a swim but it’s high tide, and very dirty. I don’t know where all the sea grass and junk came from. Skip that and jump in the pool instead where Annelie entertains me (and herself, mostly) with her synchronised swimming skills. Difficult to do, since she can’t stop laughing.

Dinner is whatever we have left over and we left in the camp fridges, so sausages and a ton of bacon, with a salad that followed suit.

Annelie’s ear is fine again, btw. Seems the bit of nursing did the trick. I say it was all the cocktails.

Heading south again tomorrow, over the ferry, through the Ass end of the world and out the other end to a spot Fanie and Dirk camped at a few days ago, Riverside Campsite (yeah, yet another “Riverside” whatchmacallit. How original)

Highlights: Not blowing chunks on the ferry, I was surprisingly fine

Being reunited with the Bullet, I dig this bad boy so much

Being entertained by a water ballerina! X

[G & A], out

Like a fat kid likes cake

4 August, Day 52: Jumping on dolphins

Bit of a farce, in my humble opinion.

Woke up at sparrows fart, grabbed coffee and got my swimming gear on. I should have thought a bit about the weather, because the wind was blowing enough to create quite a bit of swell in the ocean. We get the snorkel gear and meet up with Ali the captain. By the time we launch, there are at least two other boats heading out with the same intention of “swimming with the dolphins”. We find a pod soon afterwards and start chasing them. More boats arrive, more gawking tourists. The whole thing starts feeling quite... shit, all of a sudden.

To try and paint a better picture, there were seven boats now, with two tourists each. One of us would spot the dolphins cresting the water as the head east and the air would fill with the smell of two-stroke as outboards rev and boats almost collide as they chase the pod down. You would then be instructed to jump into the water and swim like a bell-end, looking down into the water to try and “swim with the dolphins”. So you’re one of 14 OTHER star-struck schmucks trying to feel the closeness and awesomeness of “swimming with dolphins”. The dolphins (which I can imagine must be totally perplexed by this erratic behaviour) spend a short while in view before darting down into the darkness.

Coupled with this, as I’ve mentioned before, is some hectic surge and swell / waves from both the wind and the speeding boats, so you end up swallowing quite a bit of water from both jumping in the water at speed and water cresting into your snorkel. Once the dolphins disappear, you have to climb back into the boat and the chase starts again.

Oh, did I mention I get motion sick?

Anecdote: I get motion sick. And pissed off when I’m involved in a blatantly bullshit activity.

So over and above the waves, the wind, the other schmucks all rocking little digital cameras trying to capture the magic of the experience, the high speed chase and navy SEAL precision of jumping on top of the poor mammals on their morning stroll you ALSO run the very real risk of being run over and gutted by another boat. Being frappe’d by a 50HP outboard motor was not on my happy-fun-time list this morning. Disgusted, I instruct Ali to take us back after 20 minutes.

To be clear, it’s not the fact that I didn’t get to “swim with the dolphins”. I got to see them up close, and underwater a few times. But my idea of “swimming with the dolphins” was more idyllic. I thought we’d go out, find a pod and they’re in a playful mood, we’d park off, get wet and just observe, maybe splash around a bit and see what they do. If they come close enough (or if they INVITE you) you get to touch and maybe (if you’re REALLY, REALLY lucky) you get to hitch a ride on a dorsal fin. But this... farce, whatever you wanna call, with the hungry tourists chasing the poor animals down like paparazzi felt unnatural in the highest degree. It was nothing short of a violation and an intrusion. To top it off, it was a money making scheme and the locals where milking it.

I didn’t sign up for this shit.

Back at the hotel I refused to pay for anything like the sort and made my thoughts on the activity clear. I dunno, thinking about it again maybe I’m too damn sensitive about these things. Before we weighed anchor back at shore, Ali offered to take us out at 16:00 instead. There are times when there are dolphins heading back west in the afternoon, and no other boats and tension. So we agreed on that, since we were going to go snorkelling around that time anyway. If it’s more laid back and less rushing off after them, we’ll do it. Else, we bail and head for the reefs.

The rest of the day Annelie and I spent chilling by the pool and roasting a bit. Drank more cocktails and just did nothing. Mattie and Marietta arrived just before noon and suggested we stroll all the way east down the beach, since it was low tide and you can now reach the other resorts. So we join them and see quite a few interesting things in the tidal pools, lots of crabs and sea anemones. I pick up an old rusted steel rod and pick fights with crabs tucked into their little caves. Their strong once they “crab” hold of it. Get it? I said “crab” instead of “grab”. See what I did there?

Ok, let’s continue

We reach another very nice looking resort with a long pier extending out into the water, with what looks like a tanning area at the end. We check it out and are treated to what must be 10’s of thousands of fish underneath the structure. Splash around a bit in the water, wind is still out so water is rough, but shallow enough and very warm. Lunch time so we head to the resort to see if they have a restaurant. Very nice place, called the Zanzibar Dolphin View Paradise (WHO NAMES THESE THINGS??). It seems like there are 30 big houses (which we later checked out. Each house has 3 big rooms, en suite bathrooms, large open plan lounge with 37” LCD TV and fully decked out kitchen, a separate room to store luggage and an upstairs area which consists of another lounge and balcony area, with sea views and sun loungers. Some of them even have their own private pools! You can self cater or hire a private chef to cook all your meals while you stay), with a few more being built (9, in fact, I found out later).

More stats: they have 23 swimming pools in total. One big one in front of the restaurant, infinity pool looking out on the private beach. One in the spa (still being built, it’s also a HUGE Jacuzzi) and then the 21 little private pools at the villas. The hotel isn’t open yet, only launching in December, but they do accept walk in bookings and the restaurant was open. There were a few guests cruising around already. Villas sleep max of 6 people, but I reckon you can stuff 4 more kids into the store room (keep them out of your hair too...). Villas start at $250 - $400, season and location dependant. So for a pool villa right on the water, it’s more. But hey, 5 of your best mates, at say $250 for the whole joint per day. That’s a killer deal!

We head to the restaurant and place our orders. Fish (Marlin) and chips. Apart from the King fish, this is the BEST fish I’ve ever tasted! My goodness, so juicy and tender. Finish it all up and get ready for the long trek back. It’s high tide again so we can’t go back the way we came. Just as we exit the gate, a Suzuki 4x4 exits as well and offers us a lift. We gladly accept! It’s sooooooo hot! Turns out it’s the general manager of the Zanzibar, Collin. He’s a Swede and he’s been running island restaurants for a few years now, last few was in the Maldives. Pretty damn cool of him to hitch us a ride down the 2KM stretch to the Swahili!

Back at the hotel, we dip in the pool quickly before meeting up with Ali for the snorkelling. Head out a bit, no sign of dolphins, still a bit windy. As we do, I hear “SOUTH AFRICA” from one of the rooms. It’s the Chinese chick we met at Kendwa. We never introduced ourselves, but they knew that we were from South Africa. We wave and they scream something unintelligible over the wind. We nod and wave.

No sign of any dolphins, so we make the call to go snorkelling and Ali takes us all the way west, just past Karamba which we checked out a few days ago. Weigh anchor and we dive in. Meh. Low visibility, lots of surge. And, to top it all off, something starts stinging us. Little, teeny tiny jellyfish, in fact. The coral itself is all bleached and unappealing. I get to see a few interesting little fishies, but not in the great numbers like in the Comoros. I see a Scorpion fish, a little Manta Ray, lot’s of black and white fishies, a big, ugly yellow thing Annelie calls a “Paw-paw fish” and a few typical tropical fish. We get back to the boat and ask Ali to take us somewhere else. We move a bit back east and back in the water we go. Sea is getting very rough at this point, and more stinging. Annelie bails out and goes to wait on the boat. I decide fuckit, I’m here now and I’m going to enjoy it, whether I like it or NOT! So paddle around for another 20 minutes, swatting at stings on my legs, arms and neck before throwing in the towel. Today clearly wasn’t our day for water sports.

We thank Ali for his efforts anyways.

Back into the pool at the hotel to escape the stinging, and order more cocktails (A Lost Bikini, don’t remember what was innit) as stay there till the sun sets. Back to the room, shower and get dressed for supper. I invite the Chinese chicks, Qin and Tian (Chin and Tjuen) to join us. We spend the evening chatting about a wide range of topics and having drinks. More chat about our various travels and I share my terrible dolphin swimming exercise with them, since they want to do it tomorrow. I recommend they head out way way early, but if the wind is blowing like the morning, skip it. We swop out our details, turns out they may be in Cape Town near or around the time we’ll be there. So we offer to take them on a few tours around town if at all possible and they’re very stoked about that. They seem to be into wine, and I happen to know a little hood called Stellenbosch that’s been known to produce a few world class vinos.

Go to bed at around 23:00, run back to the restaurant to get my camera I left hanging over the chair (which I NEVER do, and the ONE time I do, I almost lose the damn thing).

Checking out tomorrow and heading back to the ferry. Our time in Zanzibar has come to an end.

Highlights: Meeting up with the Chinese chicks again, they’re cool!

Cocktails. Lots of em

World Class Fish and Chips!

[G & A], out

Ready or not, here I come

3 August, Day 51: More doing nothing

Phone up Chollo and organise a lift to the Swahili. Pickup at 10:00. Go have breakfast, more fuckwit staff members with attitude problems. I openly mention the pathetic service we’ve been getting after one of the baboons that work there treats another guest like dirt. Everyone around me agrees, it’s the worst they’ve had on the island. WTF??

Finish breakfast (when it eventually arrives, and after they get the order right). Pack up and head for reception, pay the bill. Meet these 2 cool Chinese chicks, who Annelie mentioned earlier was having more issues with the unhelpful staff. All they want is to look at a room, but they were told to come back in 20 minutes. Which they did, and they were told to wait some more. Then they were told that the room they can see can’t be seen right now since it’s being cleaned. Then when they came back they were told the room has now been sold. What. The. Fuck?? So now they’re waiting again, for another room...

We share our experiences on the southern hotels and resorts, I point to a few spots on a nearby map and give them tips on bargaining with these fools, as well as taxis and so forth. Chollo arrives at 11:00 and we introduce him to the Chinese chicks, say goodbye and they swop out numbers. Always good to have a number for a good taxi. We load up and trek down to the south, should be about a 2 hour drive. Mariah Carey in the car today, I don’t care. Annelie sleeps in the back, we drive through a hectic storm, heavy rain, more police stops, more harassment.

By 13:40 or so we reach our destination and off load our luggage. We arrange with Chollo that we will need a bigger taxi for 4 people with luggage in two days and we will phone him tomorrow with the time. All at a steal for 44 000 TSH.

Mattie has bargained us a good room and we check-in and go say hi. He went swimming with dolphins this morning at 06:00 and tells us of his adventure. Also went snorkelling yesterday and it sounds very exciting. We go check out the restaurant and order some chow and cocktails. The rest of the day we lay by the pool and chill. I asked the chef what his speciality is and without missing a beat he says seared King fish. I order that and it arrives on a griddle still sizzling! Man, best meal I’ve had on the island!

Anecdote: the King fish is usually fresh from the days catch, and it had no bones, so...

Tuck in at 21:00. We organised some dolphin swimming action for tomorrow at 06:00. Annelie’s ear is still in pain, but she’s been sticking some Vicks in there and keeping in sealed with a tissue (which I have to keep reminding her to do). She’s also taking some anti-inflammatory to keep the swelling down. It never ends with her, she always seems broken... But she doesn’t care, she wants to swim with the dolphins anyway. I shall reserve comment.

Highlights: Happy to be away from the drag of Kendwa rocks. Actually quite nice to be in a chilled spot away from so many people for a change.

[G & A], out

You know you don’t make it easy for someone like me

2 August, Day 50: Kendwa Rocks (sorta)

09:04 – wake up. Snooze

09:45 – wake up. Snooze

09:55 – wake up, jump out of bed not to miss breakfast, which ends at 10:00! Good thing they’re on Africa time

10:00 – place order, eat breakfast. Annelie is complaining about ear ache. Oh, and she got the results back from her last visit to Karen Hospital, all clear! Walter has left the building.

10:25 – 4^th cup of coffee

10:30 – on the beach, chilling

11:23 – go for swim

11:41 – tanning

12ish – food, takes forever to arrive, bar not even busy. Deal with kak barman again

13ish – chilling

14:50 – walkies, swim

15:34 – sleeping at bungalow

16:45 – wake up, barely. Annelie goes for massage

17:25 – Wake up (again), get dressed, , I grab a Cohiba Buristo PHAT cigar and stroll down to the beach. Order a sex on the beach, change it to a double Glenn Fiddich, no ice.

17:45 – light up, whiskey arrives. Feel like a king

18:20 – Annelie joins me, watches the sunset somewhat, makes a suggestion we go swimming. Rush to the bungalow and grab our swimming gear

18:29 – in the water, coloured red from the giant red orb that is the sun. Watch the sunset in the warm water, almost totally submersed. EPIC.

18ish – Back in bungalow, shower, get dressed for dinner walk down to fancy no access restaurant built on top of sea

19:07 – have to quick talk a security guard who won’t let us even near the place. Says Annelie’s skirt is too short (it is), and we are not residents to the hotel. We convince him we only “want to look”, since I know once we get there we can get in. He reluctantly agrees to escort us.

19:13 – get to restaurant, smiling concierge invites us for dinner, “no problem” (told ya)

19:20 – bashful guard gives us “visitors passes”. I explain we understand, he’s just doing his job

Still 19ish – grab cocktails at the massive bar / entertainment area. Watch little fishes in the water below the pylons, and birds trying to catch them

19ish – play a game of pool (I win)

20:03 – move to restaurant, very posh! Seated, get welcome drink and bread, menus. We order some wine, Nederberg Sauvignon Blanc, 2008, delicious. No starters, I order the seafood platter (lobster, tuna steaks, king prawn, with basmati rice), Annelie gets the grilled rolled chicken with noodles. The restaurant is seafood Thai fusion. Taiwanese chef sends us prawn a dainty piece of prawn toast, very smartly decorated, with his compliments. This too, is delicious! Bread accompanied by freshly made peanut butter (??), crushed black olives, salted butter and olive oil. (yeah, delicious!)

20:15 – cling cling, KAMPAI! Wine goes down very well.

20:40 – food arrives, and it’s a LOT. Feel like I want to take a pictures, but afraid it may not be PC. So I don’t. Annelie and I swop out some food (probably also not PC)

21ish – the table of snobby Brits next to us are served their food. They ALL take pictures of their food. Meh.

21ish – food finished (finally! It was a lot). Drink wine

22ish – finish wine, move to check out the entertainment. The entertainment is bad. Very bad. We move to the shisha lounge, remove shoes, park on big soft couches. Lounge is very very nice, high ceiling with lots of Persian carpets covering the floor and what almost looks like a private lounge area in the middle. A woman dressed like a genie brings us menus and we order apple flavoured molasses, Turkish coffee and something with frangelico in it for Annelie.

22:15 – Shisha arrives, we are implored to “enjoy our flavour”.

22:16 – we enjoy our flavour, puffing away on apple molasses

22:30 – our drinks arrive, very spicy and hot. The lounge has a really nice ambience, with Arabic beats playing softly (and being overpowered by the terrible entertainment next door)

23:20 – all done, pay bill, retrieve shoes and walk back down the pier towards land.

23ish – we sneak up all the way to the hotel reception. Great Jumping Giant Hotels Batman, this place is a small fiefdom! Another big restaurant on the hill and more swimming pools, including a huge water tower that resembles the Afrikaans Taal monument in Paarl.

23ish – Annelie and I stroll down the long beach in the bright moonlight, sit in the sand and stare at the stars and surf.

00ish – back at the bungalow, all is quiet at the bar area.

00ish – in bed

It was a good day. We decided that instead of staying at Kendwa Rocks another day we’ll bail for the Swahili tomorrow. Nice place, perfectly located on the beach and so on, but the staff irritate us and it’s beginning to cramp our style. They can be assholes, what’s frustrating is that they don’t even try to be helpful or nice.

Highlights: Spending a romantic evening with the wife. And, she paid for everything! Xx

[G & A], out

Tick tick tock, fools on the block